A little bit o' this and a little bit o' that...

Hi Guys,

Thanks for your responses to my interview request. So far I have five gay guys and only one bisexual guy. They are from the UK (one of whom now lives in New Zealand), the US and Australia. I'm still looking for people in the following age ranges: Twenties, Thirties, Fifties and Sixty+ if anybody else feels brave enough to volunteer. Of course, you can still volunteer if you're not in the above age ranges because your thoughts, feelings and experiences are undoubtedly different to anybody else anyway.

So, in other news... I had my volunteering induction on Monday afternoon and I actually started "properly" today. I was well excited lol (pretty sad eh?), it was nice just to dress up again and have a reason to leave the confines of these four walls.

It took so long to receive my references that Christmas was upon us by then and I had to wait until the new year to get started.

Still no luck with finding a real job at the moment, but I'm always hopeful and I'm staying positive about it.

Now, I'm not what you might call a spontaneous person (unless I've had a few drinks or I'm on holiday lol), and I generally don't make rash decisions, but last year I was watching TV one evening and I suddenly just thought to myself "fuck it!, I'm sick of this shit" and I chose there and then to make a huge change in my life. A choice that will leave me with absolutely nothing at all if my plans turn to shit. The first part of my plan has already been implemented and I'll post some more about it soon.

I haven't posted any random facts for ages, so here's a few unhealthy ones...

I developed Asthma when I was 8 years old.

I stopped suffering with Asthma when I was 13 years old.

I've smoked since I was 12 years old.

I had a severe allergic reaction (never found out what to) when I was 13 and my entire body (yes, even there) was covered in tiny scabs (mmm... scabs). The worst thing was that my mum insisted on me dropping my underwear to all and sundry so her friends and the neighbours could see it. Hellooooo... the scabs on my face, arms, stomach etc. were the same as the ones on my cock and balls. Was there really any need for me to show my genitalia?? NO!
It was so fucking embarrassing, I'm just glad I didn't fancy any of the guys that took a look... that may have been even more embarrassing (wink wink) lol!

That's it really, apart from having some really bad panic/anxiety attacks which I thought were heart attacks because they were so intense and frightening. (This one's more like a fucking story than a fact... feel free to skip it lol!)
Seriously, I could be watching TV, reading or in bed and it would just happen. My heart rate would go crazy, I couldn't breathe, one of my arms would go numb etc.

Now, I'm am so not a drama queen but the first few times it happened I kept thinking "omg, I'm gonna die and nobody 'll know. I'll just rot here!"

It really bought home to me how lonely I am and how empty my life is without someone to share it with.

I eventually went to see a doctor who sent me for a zillion different tests. I was covered by BUPA at the time through my work so I thought "oooh, let's go private... may as well take advantage of it lol", but they took so long because they kept re-scheduling my appointments that I chose to go with the NHS instead. I have to say that they were fantastic, and so quick too.

So, on top of all that stress the results of my chest x-ray showed a shadow on my lung. I was remarkably calm about it, because basically I've always believed that I'm going to die from cancer before I reach sixty anyway... it runs in the family!

Anyway, I had a second x-ray and the shadow had moved. After seeking a second opinion on both x-rays, the specialist concluded that the shadow was actually a piece of fat that was travelling through my diaphragm or something. Wtf? Never heard of that one before. Lol.

Since leaving my job I've not had one attack *crosses fingers and touches wood* (oops! maybe I should re-phrase that).


Take care y'all,

Col
p.s. Do you prefer my new or old profile picture?