Also, a particular blog has recently posted on two subjects I'd planned to talk about so I've postponed them until later so it doesn't look like I'm jumping on the bandwagon. At least if they're "advertised" in advance I can't be accused of that lol.
I would also just like to thank the people who read this, and especially those that comment. I do reply to them in the comments section. I feel it's the least I can do when you've gone to the trouble of reading and commenting...I would like some more though, even if it's just to say "Hi, I read your blog" or something...c'mon, don't be shy guys lol!!
So,
"He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes."
(Proverbs 13:24)
Well fuck me, if that's true then I guess I was totally wrong about my dad all this time...we must have been the most loved kids in the whole wide world lol!!!
He was obviously very misunderstood, I just can't understand why it's taken me so long to see that we were beaten so much because he loved us all so dearly!
I guess you live and learn, eh?
Yeah right!!!
The man was a fucking wanker, he should never have had kids (or at least not so many). So I'm saying, in that case, that I might never have existed...so what! I wouldn't have known anyway lol, and I wouldn't be sitting here now spilling my guts to you guys.
Btw, I'm not angry while I'm writing this (just fucking frozen; wearing fingerless gloves and a woolly hat lol. Can't afford to use the heating during the day lol.), as time goes by I think less about him. I hope this helps me to forget about him completely soon.
It's the 21st anniversary of his death in two days and I won't be visiting his grave. My siblings don't ask me anymore lol. I've only been there twice and all I felt was anger and resentment, so bollocks to him! It's the best thing he ever did for me!!! Sorry, but it was.
I've told you that when I was young, around 3 or 4, he was ok. However, even then he would take his temper out on us. He was short, but very strong, and he didn't hold back when you were getting "walloped" as he called it. You were hoisted into the air by your arm (later it could be by the leg, whichever he could grab first while you were trying to get away from him) then he would would whack you, and I mean whack, on the bum. As soon as you moved your free arm to cover your bum he would whack you on the top your legs, as soon as you tried to cover your legs he'd get your bum again etc. Once was never enough, remember we were toddlers, infants, but I'm sure he enjoyed it.
My mum would shout at him that enough was enough; it was unnecessary; he was marking us; why did he have to hit us so hard etc. But, he just told her to shut-up; he would punish us however he saw fit; he was only "tapping" us and god help us if he really lost his temper.
Well he marked us alright; physically yeah...we had "raised" hand prints/welts all over our bum and legs, but he was marking us mentally too.
To be continued....
I don't want to make the posts too long and bore everybody.
Two quick things before I go; I was chatting with Adam yesterday and he sent me a very short piece of music which was created by using my (full) name as a musical equation. I think that's right but if not then I apologise (you know what I'm like with "techy" stuff lol). Anyway, I thought it was great and also a lovely thing to do. I'll treasure it. So Adam, in the immortal words of ABBA: Thank you for the music! *Hug*
Finally, to any fellow bloggers who read my blog and are on my Blog List; would you kindly add me to yours please?
Similarly, any bloggers reading who are not on my list; please leave a comment and I'll check yours out!
Thanks for reading guys and please, please, please leave some kind of comment.(Was that a little too desperate? lol)
Until next time...
Col
Posts
It sounds like the emotional scars have gone far deeper than the physical ones. So, where do you go for healing?
ReplyDeleteAs for Proverbs, any fool can misuse scripture to justify anything, can't they?
Aron is right about the misuse of scripture. All i know is the verse says to "correct" the child.I think all would agree that you correct a child when they have done wrong.This does not give ANYONE the right to belittle and constantly beat a child at will.Thank you Col for responding to my comment. It is a little hard with my bastard father still alive but, i came to the conclusion that he will never change ( he recently called one of his grandchildren a fat ass)I have moved on as best i can.I have not let him stop me from being the person i am now.Although, i am sure when he finally croaks i will feel cheated! i just know it will be quick and painless and not the long agonizing and extremely painful 3-5 years he deserves! Maybe 17 years, that is how long i withstood it.I am sorry, i have wrote as much as was on your post!
ReplyDeleteHey *HUGS*
ReplyDeletejust fyi i've got a backlog of blogs to link to, but you're on there asap.
Col, I don't mind that you stole my idea, I'm very glad and honored you did actually. your post today got under my skin, the part about your heating and the fingerless gloves really touched me. How is this possible man? I understand why you would visit your father's grave. Believe me I do,I feel the same about my parents.
ReplyDelete@ Aron: Definitely! I'm hoping that by opening up about my feelings on this blog I can rid myself of at least some of those scars, and move on.
ReplyDelete@ Musicbuff: I know what you mean about feeling cheated, that's exactly how I feel still. Sometimes I wish he was still alive, just so I could confront him and vent my anger at him etc. regardless of the outcome. I'm sure I'd feel better afterwards :) My dad was sick with cancer for about two years before he finally croaked, and he said something to me on his deathbed which I may have misinterpreted, but which made me hate him even more...if that was possible. That's for a future post though lol.
Btw, you can write as much as you want too...see, this reply is longer than your comment :)
@ Seth: Thanks Seth...*Hugs* to you too!
@ Patrick: Thanks for not minding :) Hmmm, the heating thing. Well, I'm still unemployed so I'm on a very, very tight budget.In the UK you are classed as being in "fuel poverty" if your energy payments are 10% or more of your income...well mine are 22% and that's because I recently switched supplier. We've 2 or 3 major price increases in in energy in the last 18 months. On the plus side...it used to be 27% :)
So...it's "heat OR eat", not much of a choice really!
Probably FAR too much information for you lol.
I believe you about visiting the grave, I've read it in your blog.
Thanks for taking the time as usual guys...I appreciate it.
Take care,
Col