Happy New Year!

Whatever you'll be doing, whether you're staying home with a cup of hot chocolate and a Rich Tea finger, having a quiet drink with friends or family, or going wild at a party...

...HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR!

I hope 2009 brings you all you ever wanted, and more besides.

Thanks to all of you for reading and contributing to my blog.

You are wonderful people, each and every one of you.

*Love & Hugs*

Col

Sexually Abused! (Part Two)

So, after Peter and I showered that evening we joined the volunteers in the dining tent and listened to a guy play the guitar. If we knew the words to the songs we'd join in. It was great fun. Lol.

Bedtime soon came.
Dom, Peter and I were sharing a tent and Dom laid his sleeping bag out in the middle, so we had to sleep either side of him.
It was horrible getting undressed and into our pyjamas in front of Dom, and he wasn't exactly shy about getting undressed in front of us!

Anyway, I can't remember what time it was when I awoke, but I know it was early morning...around 6.00am(ish) because it was quite light.
So, I was laying on my left side (my favourite position) in my sleeping bag, having a wonderful sexy dream. I was being wanked off and it was fantastic, so realistic. It was slow and tender, not rushed.
The next thing I remember was hearing "Are you awake Col?" I thought I was still dreaming so I didn't answer. Lol.
Then I heard, right up close to my ear "Oh yes, he's awake!" and I fucking jumped out of my skin. It was Dom. He was on his side, his face so close to mine, and his right arm was still inside my sleeping bag...still wanking me off!!

It was obviously Peter who had asked if I was awake, having seen what Dom was doing.
I was confused and shocked, I didn't know what to say or do...shout at him? Cry? Turn over and pretend to be asleep? I didn't know!

It must have only been seconds later that I just pulled Dom's hand away and said something like "Yeah, I'm awake now!"
I got out of my bag, grabbed my clothes and trainers, said I was going to take a shower and left the tent, without looking at either of them. I was headed towards the showers when Peter ran up behind me, with his clothes in his hands, and asked me if I was alright. I knew I had tears in my eyes when I said I was okay but I managed to hold back the full flow.

He didn't say anything else and I was grateful for that. I didn't say anything to him either, we never spoke about it again, but I often wondered why was he awake so early? Had Dom "played" with him too?

Anyway, we headed to the showers and luckily Peter had thought to grab his toiletries bag and a towel. I hadn't, I'd just wanted to get out of the tent as quick as possible. Lol.
It was bloody cold that early in the morning, and it didn't help trying to dry myself on Peter's wet towel either, but I felt better already. I just used my finger and his toothpaste to clean my teeth because I didn't want to go back to the tent.

When I eventually plucked up the courage to face Dom again I said I wanted to sleep in the same tent as my brother Tom for the rest of the week. He would be arriving later that day. He didn't try to change my mind, maybe he felt guilty? Maybe he was afraid I would tell somebody about what he'd done? Again, I don't know!
Tom knew that something was wrong with me shortly after arriving, but I just told him I'd had a headache all day because I was tired.

I enjoyed the rest of the holiday very much, and made some good friends for a short time anyway.

When I returned home I did cry about it in private. I couldn't tell my parents, especially my dad. I thought, and felt, that people would think it was all my fault, that I couldn't have really been asleep and so I knew what was happening. That in turn made me feel guilty...maybe I did really know, but I was enjoying it and didn't want to admit it to myself! That made me feel really disgusted with myself. Maybe I gave Dom some signals which he just reacted to, so I deserved it?

I rarely even think about it now unless either of two things triggers the memory:

1...I hear the song "I Feel Love" by Donna Summer. I heard that song so much whilst on that holiday.

2...When people talk about Elvis dying. He died about a week after I got back home.


I would say this to anybody who has been abused, whether it's sexually, physically or mentally...

...talk to somebody, anybody, but do it! Don't feel guilty, you are the victim and the abuser deserves to be, and should be punished. There are freephone helplines and the Samaritans, if you want to remain anonymous...but speak out regardless, do not suffer in silence. You are not alone.

My "cyber" door is always open to anybody who wants to talk or email, and I know the same can be said for many of my fellow bloggers.

I've decided not to post any humour today. I don't think it would be appropriate, sorry!


Take care everyone!

Col

Sexually Abused! (Part One)

Hi guys,

Thanks to everybody who has been reading, commenting on, and following my blog. I'm really quite amazed at the response to the poll too, in terms of the amount of voters. I thought I'd be lucky to get ten in the fortnight. I was also amazed at the age range; I know that not all teenagers are crazy about sex, but will they read the more serious posts? I'll just have to wait and see I guess. Lol.

There are only nine days left on the polls, so please:

VOTE! vote! VOTE! vote! VOTE! vote! VOTE! vote! VOTE!

So on to today's topic...I have never, ever told this to anybody. The only people who know (unless they told others) are me, Peter, and the Dirty Old Man (Dom), and he's probably dead now anyway. I'll give you some background information so you know how I knew 'Dom', but I'll be as brief as I can (hehe, me and brief just doesn't work).

In 1977, when Peter and I were just thirteen years old, we decided to enter a talent competition at our local youth centre. If we won we would go to the next stage and compete at the local Theatre. Well, we won (yippee!). Then we won the next competition and was invited to do three acts in The Town Show. This was an annual event where the acts were mostly Cub Scouts, though I'd never heard of it, and one of the organisers was 'Dom'.

To cut a long story short; after the show he asked us if we would mind performing our acts in some old age pensioners homes, you know like community homes. Our parents agreed to this and so we saw quite a lot of him in the following months. My brother Tom would have to tag along too sometimes, my dad insisted, but after a while I didn't really mind.

Now 'Dom' was at least sixty-five, probably more by my reckoning, and had to walk with the aid of a stick because of an old war wound...seriously! But, his youngest child, a son, was only about seventeen. He gave me the creeps more than 'Dom' did, he looked evil with his thick, black, greasy hair and the beginnings of a moustache. The way he looked at me really scared me. Facially, he reminded me a bit of Hitler...but his eyes were just...EVIL!!!

It wasn't long before 'Dom' started to show some "affection". He would cuddle us, or try to anyway, it was gross. Then he started "play fighting" with us, but he couldn't really move around because of his leg, so he would just grab hold of you around the waist or chest instead. While he had you in his grasp his free hand would keep clenching on your leg, above the knee, and end up at your upper thigh. His grip on you was strong but his balance was another matter, so he never had a hold of you for long...thank fuck!

'Dom' also volunteered (well I doubt he was paid, but?) for an organisation that helped under-privileged children by arranging camping holidays for them. As Peter was from a one-parent family, and my family was piss-poor, he asked our parents if they wanted to apply for us (Tom included).

They were successful and the next thing I know we were off to Danbury. The only people to go on the first day and night would be the volunteers, Peter and I. This was because (allegedly) he wanted us to help out with cooking and organising the others when they arrived, so he needed to fill us in on H&S etc. Tom would be picked up and arrive with all the others the next afternoon.

I can't remember how many volunteers there were, but they were male and female and mixed ages. I do remember one of them (Steve) was really fucking sexy. He was 18-19, blonde crew-cut hair, muscular and very cute. Everybody, and I mean everybody, wanted to be in his tent!

Steve's cousin was there too. He was around 15-16, slim (but not skinny), blonde hair again but quite long and straight, blue eyes and a really gorgeous smile.

Now what did I say near the beginning about "me and brief just doesn't work"?

I know I shouldn't keep apologising about my post length (about 6.25" if you really want to know, hehe), but I just don't seem to be able to get to the point, quickly. Lol.

It may be because I like to know everything when I read something, so that's how I write too. I don't know so you'll have to put up with it I'm afraid.

In Part Two: The Dirty Deed...How I Felt About It Then...What I Feel Now.

Depending on the length, I may be able to fit in a joke or two also.

Thanks for reading!

Take good care of yourself,

Col

Edit - Poll about "Sex With My Buddies" posts

Hi guys,

Sorry if you already voted (x2 Twenties, x1 Stop them, x2 Cont. with details), but I added another option...please either re-vote if you wish to remain anonymous, or comment that you had already voted (leave details).

Many thanks,
Col

This is my first poll and it's not what I envisaged my first one would be about, but it is (to me at least) necessary if I'm to/not to continue with the "Sex With My Buddies" posts.

Of course I want to attract new readers, who doesn't, but I don't want to do that at the expense of losing my regular readers.

One of the readers commented that my post was too explicit for them so they did not finish reading it. I thank him for his honesty, and, for telling me so too. I respect everybody's opinion so I read the post again, and I thought...actually, did I really need to go into so much detail? Surely, just saying that we sucked each other off in some bushes would have been adequate!
It would've been a shorter post, that's for sure lol.

Then I thought...well maybe it wasn't too graphic really, because I was trying to put across my first sexual experience with another person. We were twelve years old and experimenting with sex for the first time in our lives. I was trying to show our inexperience in the things I wrote, but it was a truthful account of what happened and what I was thinking...as I remember it, nothing more. Peter and I fumbled our way through that evening, and a few more too until we'd gained some knowledge of each others likes and dislikes, desires etc.

So, as I don't know whether to carry on with these posts or not, I've decided to leave it up to my readers to decide the outcome, by way of a poll...see sidebar (2 Polls).

Do I stop?
Do I continue...with graphic descriptions?
Do I continue...without graphic descriptions?
Do I continue...in my own sweet way?

I'd also like to know the age of voters too, so please vote on both polls. Of course you can always vote and comment.

Thanks to all those who left comments on the last post, and as always I have left my comment to each of you.


Lines are now open so please...

get VOTING and COMMENTING now!

I hope you've had a great weekend...and finished all your shopping lol.

Take care,
Col

...Sex With My Buddies - Peter

Post 2 of 2 for Friday 19th December

First, let me just say that the "sex buddies" I'll be writing about were actually my best friends at the time. We went to school together, and hung out after school together. We played and we partied, and we "enjoyed" each others company. One of them is still a great friend today.

Going up to senior school was frightening for me, especially after hearing all about the alleged initiation ceremonies that we were going to be put through lol, and the thought of having to make new friends was scarier than anything else.

As you know by now, I was (and still am) extremely shy so my first three or four weeks there were quite traumatic, I just kept to myself all the time; in form class, lessons, every break time...I was so lonely and when I got home, and actually found some privacy, I would cry. I remember saying to myself a lot; "I wish I was dead, I hate it!"
I knew I couldn't talk to my parents so I suffered in silence and wondered if any of the other kids were feeling the same, or was it just me?

Peter...

...was completely the opposite of me; he was very outgoing and confident and within a couple of weeks he was one of the most popular kids in class. Why he chose me as a friend I'll never know, maybe he felt sorry for me lol.

He wasn't particularly cute, not to me anyway, he had this really unruly mop of dark, curly, wiry hair which I later discovered was a feature he shared with his beloved dogs lol.
He did have a cute and cheeky smile though. His nose was a little pointed and his eyes were hazel. He was considerably taller than me, but then it would be difficult not to be. His body was nice, very slim but not skinny. He wasn't from the area either so he had a 'country yokel' accent which was actually quite nice.

As for me, I was obviously shorter than him but I was the same kind of build. I had blonde hair and blue eyes.

About ten or eleven weeks into the term Peter and I were playing in a park after school, it wasn't the best park around but it was quieter than the others, it was November so it was cold too. We'd just finished doing something, I can't remember what exactly, when he just asks me "Col, can I suck your knob?"...lol yeah "knob", that was the 'In' word way back then.
Well, I was like speechless (for about two seconds lol) and then I asked him "Can I suck yours after?" He just gave me his best cheeky grin and said "Yeah! If you want to."

So, we found a private(ish) place in between some shrubs, against a tall wooden fence. The trouble was; whoever was blowing wouldn't be seen because they'd be squatting down, but, whoever was being blown would be seen...from the waist up anyway. So it was really scary but all the more exciting for that lol. It's a good job the park was virtually deserted by now, and it was dark too (luckily).

I let Peter unzip my fly, unbutton my jeans and pull down my pants. I was crapping myself now and I was still soft, I guess it was nerves or something, and it didn't help that it was cold either...if you get my meaning. I developed early so I wasn't ashamed of my penis size, and I had a nice little bush of soft pubes too.

Anyway, he suddenly asked "Are you ready?" and I couldn't help it...I just burst out laughing (those damned nerves again). That made him laugh too and he had to wait for a bit to re-compose himself.
All of a sudden I felt the warmth of his mouth enclose my penis and I sighed with pleasure. I was hard almost instantaneously. It felt good so good, especially as my butt and balls were freezing by now lol. Then he started working his mouth up and down it, gently at first, although softly would be a better description because his lips were hardly touching me.

I asked him to suck it harder and I guess he knew what I meant because his lips tightened over my penis. Now as his head was going back and forth my foreskin was too.
I'd never felt any sensation like this, ever! Sure I'd been wanking for ages, but there was no comparison between these two completely different sensations.
After about a minute I told Peter to stop, it was his turn now.

We reversed positions and I was really dreading it, I loved it being done to me but what if I didn't like doing it to him? What if he didn't like me doing it to him? There was only one way to find out! After unzipping him and pulling down his pants, just to below his balls, I took his knob in my mouth. He was soft at the time too, but as soon as I started on him it began to harden straight away. From what I could see in the dark, he had a lovely cock and a nice bush. He was uncut too and had a nice scrotum. I didn't know it at the time, but I would see his entire body "up close and personal", and do stuff with him in the days, weeks and months to come that would confirm to me that I was gay.

Seeing as I liked it with his lips gripping firmer that's what I did to him from the start. It sounded like he enjoyed it as much as I did lol, and he put his hand to the back of my head and gently kept pushing it whenever my head went forward on his penis. He stopped me after about a minute too and pulled up his trousers.

We spoke about what had happened, how we felt, we said to each other that we weren't queer, and we agreed we were going to do it again tomorrow...only this time it would be somewhere less public.

I was worried when I got to school the next day in case it had changed our friendship, but Peter was fine. At lunch time I asked him if he'd changed his mind or if we were still going to suck each other off tonight. He grinned that cheeky grin and just said "Oh yeah! Definitely!", and we laughed. I came to love that cheeky little grin of his lol.

We actually did a lot of stuff (except anal) after that, in all kinds of places too, but if you want to hear more about Peter and I, and my other schoolboy "sex buddies" you'll have to stay tuned.

This blog is not going to turn into a pornographic story blog, not at all, but the relationships with four of my best friends were a huge part of my life between the ages of twelve and sixteen.

So, if you don't want to read anymore about that stuff then please don't read and posts entitled "Sex With My Buddies"

I even got myself trapped into having "straight" sex, and if I hadn't already known I was gay...that would've convinced me lol! More about in the future, it starts of with two guys and one girl but...

To those of you that do want to hear more;

Please be so kind as to comment.

I hope you enjoyed the post!

Take care,
Col

Schoolboy Crushes...

Post 1 of 2 for Friday 19th December

My first real crush, well the first one that left me devastated and in tears, was actually for my teacher in the third year of junior school so I was aged about nine or ten. He could only have been in his mid twenties at the most, and he was by far the cutest and sexiest teacher in the school.

I don't think it was a sexual thing because I don't remember fantasising about that sort of stuff. However, I do remember lots of stuff about him like; he had no hair on his arms and he had a habit of clenching his fists, so you could see his muscles working on his forearms. He was quite muscular and looked really fit. He had short dark hair with brown eyes and a roman nose lol.

His smile was wide and cheeky and when he laughed he looked even younger. He had a deep, throaty voice which I didn't think matched his face, but you can't have everything lol!

He took over as choir master from the aged old lady that had done it since the year dot, so I joined the choir just so I could see more of him. He was really passionate about music and singing and when he got really worked up you could see these white globules of spittle at the corners of his mouth...not pretty lol. One problem he did have was that his feet really stank, it would waft out from his shoes and if you were too close for too long it was a bit urgh! It didn't stop me from getting close though lol.

More than anything else, he was passionate about teaching and was always kind, gentle, considerate, caring and funny. It was obvious that he loved teaching and kids. I really looked up to him, I guess he was more of a role model to me than anything else (something I never had then, or after), and I wanted to grow up to be just like him.

After my year with him was up, and even though I knew I'd still see him from time to time around the school, I cried for ages (in private of course). I loved him so much that I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing him everyday at school. I even prayed to God and asked that he would replace my father with my teacher.

He took up the post of Deputy Head in another school before my final year was up, and I never saw him again.

Today's second post is about the beginning of my first gay relationship at school...check it out!

Thanks guys,
Col

I knew I was gay from the age of...

...Twelve!

I'd done all the usual stuff with girls that young boys do by that age, you know the stuff...kiss chase, you show me yours and I'll show you mine etc...
...but I always enjoyed that kind of thing with the boys more than I did with the girls (never played kiss chase with the boys though, damn it!! lol)

Most of my friends then were my neighbours and the majority of them were around the same age so there was a lot of "comparing" that went on, and a lot of wishing and questioning too lol..."Wow, I wish mine was that big!" or "Will mine be that big when I'm 9/10 (or whatever)?"

Comparisons were made between soft and hard, but it was difficult to stay soft long enough to make a comparison sometimes :)

The best thing was when we all went swimming as a group, man I loved those times, no cubicles back then...just one huge communal changing room. I loved seeing all those naked boys running around trying to flick each other with their towels, or, just discreetly looking at a particularly good looking boy while he dried himself off.
I didn't actually like swimming and I still don't, in fact I'm a very poor swimmer still today. But, it was all about the boys for me...nothing else!
I was never really confused about how I felt but I knew it wasn't normal, and like many others I had nobody to talk too and no Internet in those days anyway, so I accepted my feelings very early in life.
I have certainly never felt any guilt or shame with regard to being gay so I guess that maybe I've had it pretty easy compared to some people.
"So why didn't you 'come out' when you were younger?" you may be asking...that will be answered in a future post so stay tuned to this blog lol.

So, I knew I was definitely gay at the age of twelve because that's when I had my first gay sexual experience/relationship and I knew there and then that my feelings for boys were true...stay tuned for that too!

Seeing as this has been about age I thought I'd share the following joke/story with you. It's about being much older but it made me laugh, and I hope it makes you laugh too...

...Do I look that old?

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking; 'Surely I can't look that old?'
Well, my name is Jake Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his DDS Diploma, which bore his full name.
Suddenly I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some forty-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on way back then, I wondered?

Upon seeing him however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate!

After he examined my teeth I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
'Yes, yes I did. I'm a Mustang!' he gleamed with pride.
'When did you graduate?' I asked.
'In 1965. Why do you ask?' was his reply.
'You were in my class!' I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then that ugly, old, bald-headed, wrinkled, fat ass, grey-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked; 'What did you teach?'

Until next time then!

Take care,
Col

Sibling rivalry & Fighting for affection - Part 1

According to my mum, I was a wonderful baby lol. I rarely cried, I would just eat, sleep and giggle...even when I was ill. Apparently I had a huge appetite too, I used to eat three Weetabix at a time, but I could shit through the eye of a needle after lol...and in those days it was all "terry" nappies/diapers so she had to wash them all...sorry mum!


Anyway, there's only 11 months between Tom and I and he was always a little shit according to mum. We used to share this double pram and when the hoods were up my mum could hear us, but not see us. On more than one ocassion she would wonder why we were so quiet and look in on us. There would be Tom with his finger nails planted firmly in both my cheeks and me just sitting there, not making a sound.


She reckons that as soon as she said something like: "Oh darling, are you alright?" my bottom lip would quiver and then I'd start to cry, but until that moment I'd just silently let him do it...omg I was such a pussy back then lol.


She also thinks that Tom was jealous of the attention she gave me, because I was no trouble, and that was one of his reactions to it...it's possible I suppose.


So, to things that I actually remember; I guess I was about 5 years old and Tom was sitting on my dad's lap. I asked dad if I could sit on it too and he said yes, extended an arm to help me up but pushed me away instead. I thought it was funny so I laughed and tried to get on his lap, only to be pushed away again. This went on for about 5 or 6 attempts and by now he and Tom were laughing, but I was not. On my final attempt I started crying and asked why he wouldn't let me up, I remember my mum shouting at my dad to stop but that just angered him. This final time he pushed me so hard that I went flying backwards into the sideboard and hit my head and cried harder.


His reaction was to say that he was only playing with me and to start calling me a little baby, a little girl who didn't deserve to sit on his lap...that was only for boys like Tom.
Then I was told to go and sit on my mum's lap...because that's where I belonged...with women!
All I wanted was to sit on his lap and have a cuddle for fucks sake...why would anyone be so cruel to a young child? Anyway, Tom loved it. He sat there afterwards and each time I looked at him he would smile and snuggle into my dad, just to rub it in...bless him!



Now, this post is already long so I'm stopping here (well, shortly). This is one incident aged about 5, and there are many incidents in my life concerning my dad and Tom so maybe I'll only be able to post one at a time...but that could take years lol.


I could just bullet point them, but without the history to each memory that would make for boring reading (if you're not bored already that is).


I don't really know how to proceed, I thought I had all this worked out until I saw the length of the post lol.


Any suggestions????


Also, I've neglected to add some humour to the end of my posts so here's a little bit...









Thanks for reading guys, and I will try to post more often.

All comments/questions are welcome.

Take care,
Col

Beyond Belief

I recently received a comment from Musicbuff which I could not believe. He left the comment on the "fairy Lights" post, but it was made in response to my reply to a comment from Patrick, on my "Spare the rod - Part 1" post...got that lol?

Now I know you guys are generous with your time, your comments, your thoughts and your advice...for which I am eternally grateful, but...well, see for yourself:

From Musicbuff:

Please do not be offended by this but, if you set up a pay pal account i am sure we could donate what we can each afford. I feel that you have loyal readers and we do not want one of our favorites to be in distress while keeping us entertained and informed. Please give it serious thought my friend.

I was genuinely touched by his kindness, thoughtfulness and generosity. I felt I had to post about it.

In this crazy, messed-up world we live in it's just so heart warming, and amazing, to know that there are wonderful people like Musicbuff out there...it doesn't matter whether he was willing to donate $10,000 or $1 to help me heat my home, the point is this...I'm a virtual stranger who he doesn't know from Adam, and yet he cares!!

Now, needless to say that I did reply by email (it deserved no less from me) and politely refused, it's not something I would, or could, do...so don't panic, I'm not expecting any offers from anybody lol!!
I just wanted to bring his generosity to everybody's attention and thank him publicly, so...

...Thank you Musicbuff, you're a wonderful guy!!

I hope I haven't embarrassed you and I hope you're not suddenly inundated with begging letters either lol.

Take care everyone!

Col

Puppet Terror...Funny Video!!!

I mentioned in a post that certain puppets freak me out, but nothing like this kid....


Kid Is Terrified Of Puppets - Watch more Free Videos

He's probably got brain damage now!!

Fairy Lights!!

Omg, I'd hate to see their electricity bills!!



Amazing Christmas Lights Display - Watch more Free Videos



Absolutely Amazing Christmas Lights Show - Watch more Entertainment



Has anybody got any better or more recent ones?

Spare the rod - Part 1...Discipline or Abuse?

First of all, on the side bar you'll see a "Coming soon" list. This is a list of planned posts for the future about my life so far. There will be "now" posts as and when anything interesting happens lol. I stole the idea from Patrick who writes a wonderful blog I've recently started following. I hope you don't mind Patrick. :)

Also, a particular blog has recently posted on two subjects I'd planned to talk about so I've postponed them until later so it doesn't look like I'm jumping on the bandwagon. At least if they're "advertised" in advance I can't be accused of that lol.

I would also just like to thank the people who read this, and especially those that comment. I do reply to them in the comments section. I feel it's the least I can do when you've gone to the trouble of reading and commenting...I would like some more though, even if it's just to say "Hi, I read your blog" or something...c'mon, don't be shy guys lol!!

So,

"He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes."

(Proverbs 13:24)

Well fuck me, if that's true then I guess I was totally wrong about my dad all this time...we must have been the most loved kids in the whole wide world lol!!!
He was obviously very misunderstood, I just can't understand why it's taken me so long to see that we were beaten so much because he loved us all so dearly!

I guess you live and learn, eh?

Yeah right!!!

The man was a fucking wanker, he should never have had kids (or at least not so many). So I'm saying, in that case, that I might never have existed...so what! I wouldn't have known anyway lol, and I wouldn't be sitting here now spilling my guts to you guys.
Btw, I'm not angry while I'm writing this (just fucking frozen; wearing fingerless gloves and a woolly hat lol. Can't afford to use the heating during the day lol.), as time goes by I think less about him. I hope this helps me to forget about him completely soon.
It's the 21st anniversary of his death in two days and I won't be visiting his grave. My siblings don't ask me anymore lol. I've only been there twice and all I felt was anger and resentment, so bollocks to him! It's the best thing he ever did for me!!! Sorry, but it was.

I've told you that when I was young, around 3 or 4, he was ok. However, even then he would take his temper out on us. He was short, but very strong, and he didn't hold back when you were getting "walloped" as he called it. You were hoisted into the air by your arm (later it could be by the leg, whichever he could grab first while you were trying to get away from him) then he would would whack you, and I mean whack, on the bum. As soon as you moved your free arm to cover your bum he would whack you on the top your legs, as soon as you tried to cover your legs he'd get your bum again etc. Once was never enough, remember we were toddlers, infants, but I'm sure he enjoyed it.

My mum would shout at him that enough was enough; it was unnecessary; he was marking us; why did he have to hit us so hard etc. But, he just told her to shut-up; he would punish us however he saw fit; he was only "tapping" us and god help us if he really lost his temper.

Well he marked us alright; physically yeah...we had "raised" hand prints/welts all over our bum and legs, but he was marking us mentally too.

To be continued....

I don't want to make the posts too long and bore everybody.

Two quick things before I go; I was chatting with Adam yesterday and he sent me a very short piece of music which was created by using my (full) name as a musical equation. I think that's right but if not then I apologise (you know what I'm like with "techy" stuff lol). Anyway, I thought it was great and also a lovely thing to do. I'll treasure it. So Adam, in the immortal words of ABBA: Thank you for the music! *Hug*

Finally, to any fellow bloggers who read my blog and are on my Blog List; would you kindly add me to yours please?
Similarly, any bloggers reading who are not on my list; please leave a comment and I'll check yours out!

Thanks for reading guys and please, please, please leave some kind of comment.(Was that a little too desperate? lol)

Until next time...
Col