Welcome & Best Wishes To...

Hi guys,

Nothing much to say today, so this is going to be short. Feeling really low last few days but I'm not going to bang-on about why. I promised myself that with the problems some of you are facing (one person in particular), I wouldn't whinge about my petty ones.

Hello and welcome to my three latest followers:

Fellow Brit, Mac, who lives in the next county along from me (virtually my neighbour, in the blogging world lol). He's 30 years old, works in a newsagent's, and has just outed himself to his best friend in a text message. There's some very amusing stuff on his blog (especially about his work colleagues), so go have a read and say "Hi!" Click on his name (above) to take you to his blog.

Mirrorboy. Need I say anymore? No, of course not, but I will! He's a young Aussie with a heart of gold. A 15 year old gay lad who has inspired many (including myself) to start their own blogs and do something positive about their lives/situations, even though he has issues of his own. I feel privileged to count him as one of my buddies, as I'm sure all who know him do. I recently interviewed him and you can read it below this post. Thanks for following my blog Mirrorboy!

Finally there's Tyler. He's a 16 year old bi-sexual (leaning towards gay) highschool student from Canada. His blog contains both personal and political stuff, the latter of which has seen some heated debate in his comments section. Plus, there are some cuties thrown in for good measure. It's well worth a read (even if you aren't a political animal, and I'm not) so please go and say "Hi!" to Tyler too.


Before I go I'd just like to ask if anybody has heard from Aahsazyl recently? He hasn't posted for a while and I've not seen him online. Just a little worried!

And finally, my best and most sincere wishes to Razz. I hope you had a fantastic time with Jay and your buddies, and you didn't over-do things! Looking forward to your next post, no matter how long that is in coming. Take care matey! *Hugs*


Have a great weekend everybody!!


Take care,

Col

An Interview With... Mirrorboy - Mirrorboy's Blog

I'm sure Mirrorboy needs no introduction to most of you, but for those that don't read his blog: Mirrorboy's Blog, he's a 15 year old gay guy from Australia. He has a great sense of humour, a wonderfully creative mind and a very strong character. Oh, and he loves his cats too!

If you don't already read his blog (see link above), please go visit him... you won't be disappointed!

The questions...

How old are you and what do you do?
I'm 15 years old, a student at highschool, and wannabe author.

Are you planning to go to college to study journalism?
I still haven't thought that far ahead. I'm a bit useless when it comes to Uni and stuff.

Your readers will already know of the novel you're creating: "Universes". How are things progressing with that lately?
I'm around 183,000 words. Just finished a chapter, so i'm now planning the next one before i dive into and get stuck as per usual. lol. And i'm up to a really tough bit in it cos i'm following a storyline which doesn't include my main characters. Ya know, i make it up as i go along, and the downside of that is sometimes i work myself into a hole. Heheh.
Hehe.

So, you live in Victoria, Australia?
I sure do

We'll talk more about location later, so in the meantime... are you Gay, Bisexual or Confused? Lol.
Lol. I am gay

And apart from your creative writing, what other hobbies, interests or pastimes do you have?
Hmm... I like playing games. I would kick anyone's ass at the Wii. :P
Other than that, another hobby of mine is blogging heheh, and other internet stuff ;)
Lol.

What about likes and dislikes, loves and hates? Anything at all from foods to people and religion.

Well that's a hard question...

Which requires an answer lol.
Right... I love English, and boys. I hate... haters. Hate is a strong word. So, i only really 'hate' haters
That's all you wish to say then?
I don't know, your questions are so broad lol. I need direction!
Erm... do you like school, where you live, pizza, religion, animals etc?
I hate my school and where i live. Now that's a good way to use 'hate'.
Lol.

Who do you fancy/have a crush on at the moment... real, celeb, or cyber?
Lol. I can't just post that on the internet for everyone to see! That's personal lol, i do think Rafael Nadal is hot tho.
Yeah, but we all know about that one lol. Anybody else?
Ummz... depends if porn stars count. XD
Yeah!
Hahaha.
Surely there must be somebody!
Yah, im tryin to think...hmm that's hard. Mitch Hewer's hot ;) but every gay loves him.

What kind of boys do you like?
All boys.
Any particular look that really does it for you?
Lol. Well there are a few that i go for i guess - typical blonde twinks, and long-haired emos. I guess guys with nice hair are what i like, i dunno why though.
Do you have a hair fetish?
I wouldn't call it a fetish. It's just a 'thing', i would say. heheh.
So Emo's... what is about them... the hair, the clothes, the piercings etc?
They have piercings right?
Hahahaha, some of them. It's hard to say why... maybe it's the hair.
Lol. So boys again... tall, short, skinny, podgy, smooth, hairy, white, asian....?
Dude, i like all boys. Seriously! I can be attracted to all types. What matters most of all is what's on the inside... corny, but it's true!

So, favourite food?
Chocolate :)

Fave style of music?
Techno, trance, ambient sort of stuff.
All time fave song?
That's always changing haha. For now... it's www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/112372 but it will be different in a few days XD.
Lol.

All time fave book, and fave author (you and yours is not included lol)?
Lord of the Ringses were pretty epic, but i like Eoin Colfer's books the most. Every parent should read their kids Enid Blyton's stories too.

Fave two pieces of clothing?
Lol. I like my cargo shorts/pants... that's it lol.
Oh, ok lol

People who have inspired you?
Mrs. Oc made me want to be an author! I'm so glad i had her as a teacher. She gave me a purpose in life for the first time and i will always remember her for that.

I know you haven't really thought about college/uni, but do you think you will go there as an "out" gay man. Or, is it too early to tell yet?
I would need to have a look around once i got there before i would decide... test the waters, if you will.
That's a fair answer.
Damn right it is, bitch! lol.
Lol. You cheeky little pup!

What are your dreams, aspirations and goals for your future?

Find someone who loves me. That's the big one! Other than that, write some good stuff and get it published. I would love it if Universes was successful. Most immediate goal though, is to escape this crippling little city of mine and head to Melbourne ASAP

Ok, we'll talk about that later but I'm glad you mentioned the word "successful" there. I've no doubt you will be!

*blushes*

So why have you agreed to participate in these interviews?
Cos i like it when people ask me questions. haha.

Do you not hope that it may help others?
Of course.

You're an inspiration to many people, young and old(er), how do you feel about that? Any pressure?
I honestly don't think about being an inspiration, i just go about my business, and if that helps people in any small way, then that's fuckin awesome :)
But yes, there is a certain pressure that comes with where i am now. It becomes harder to give each person some individual time, because every few days i meet someone new.
I'm sure that you do, and I'm also sure that each one of those people appreciate the time you give them... including me .

What are your thoughts/beliefs about being gay is predetermined or a conscious choice?
I think it's totally out of our control.

Ok, when did you realise that you were gay?
Only a couple of years ago.

Realising it and accepting it are very different. What are your thoughts/feelings on that distinction, and have you accepted it?
I have accepted it, but it took me a lot of struggling and time.
I guess between the time of one realising they're gay, and accepting it, they have to admit that it's beyond their control...
Very good point!

Who are you “out” to?
I'm 'out' to 3 family members, and everyone at school.
I was outed!
When i was outed to my Mum, it wasn't as bad as i expected, so i'm glad she found out.
I was NOT, however, ready to be outed at school, so that was hard beyond belief to deal with, and still is.

For any readers who don't know the story of your "outing" can you give a brief description of what happened?
Gay Porn heheh.
The word spread, and soon everybody knew.
Who found the porn?
One of my nosy 'friends'.
Is he still a friend. lol?
I think.

What reactions did you receive?
A lot of negative ones.
A few positive.
A few weird lol.
But kids like the ones in my school can be a bit... mean.

Overall, are you now glad it‘s happened?
I honestly don't know. I mean, i can be myself, but at a large cost.
What cost is that?
Insults, people shouting things at me, teasing, jokes at my expense etc.
It's hard.

So, the next question...What fears/worries do you have about living as a gay guy?
I worry that the sort of life i live now (one of being teased and laughed at) is one i will have to live in the future. Other than that, i don't worry about much else.
I hope that once i get to the big city, people will be more accepting of who i am
And i will have more support.
What about your rights as a gay man, or having children etc?
I'm 15. I don't need to worry about rights yet, lol.
Children - i don't really mind what happens :) If my partner wants, or has children, i will probably be a proud parent heheh.
Lol.

And how have you faced and/or overcome prejudice toward you (from anybody) for being gay?
My strategy for last year was to ignore it. I tried changing that this year but i quickly reverted to that strategy and it doesn't seem to be going too well for me. lol
Do you think that's the best way, for you at least, to deal with it?
Probably not but i can't manage to change it. The best i can do right now is look for support to help deal with it, even if only on the inside. My self-confidence is a work in progress too. I'm doing my best to be more confident in my physical presence (by doing things like getting contacts and losing weight etc).
That's great, doing what you are doing. Anything that helps you is a step forward, and your answer brings me to my next question...

What resources and other means of support have been available to you whilst growing-up?
My biggest support was my teacher, Mrs OC. I can talk to her about what i'm going through, and she is helping me the best she can. She also told me about the gay youth group in my city, which i've been to a few times. Unfortunately, Mrs. OC is on long-service leave this year, so i've been without her for a while.

What about other forms of support, like the internet, groups/forums. Or, your blog and on-line friends?
Oh yeah! I don't know what i'd do without my online support. It means the world to me, seriously. It's just beyond words. I can't describe it.

I know that people lean on you, but are there any people on-line that you can lean on?
(I mean people you can really talk to.)
Yes. A couple who i really trust.
That's good, you need that trust.

I know you've visited the Gay Youth Group, but do you feel there are enough organisations (like drop-in centres that you could visit) in your locality to help the GLBT community?
Not really. But i guess i can't expect that much from my small city.

Would you use them if there was, or would you be too embarrassed, ashamed or paranoid (in case somebody you knew saw you enter one) to visit them anyway?
Haha. Well im already out, so people seeing me enter isnt a problem. But yes, i would look into them.

And how do you think the Internet has helped gay/bi people since it really became mainstream in the 90’s?
Heaps! It's given people in remote places a way to find support, just like it did for me.
Not to mention how it helps some people to accept themselves more, and all that icky stuff to do with teen suicide.
It gives people support, and that's what gays and bi's need.

Try to imagine what it was like to be gay/bi (say 30+ years, and more, ago) and have no resources or support structure at all. Even if you lived in a major city, access to any resources were few and far between. Being gay/bi was taboo and to admit to being it was generally an invitation to ridicule and abuse, you literally took your life in your hands if you were open about your sexuality.

How do you think you would have coped with growing up in those times?
It wouldn't have been easy, to say the least. I can imagine it would have been scary for a lot of people.
I guess there would have been a lot of horny guys back then too *jokes* hehe.
Lol. Good one!
*high fives all round*

If you had grown up through those times, what do you think your life would be like now?
I'd be sad i guess... sad that life had been so hard, and that i'd missed out on a lot of things by not having any support.

Ok, now I know we've talked a little about resources, but what do you think is the best resource, and why?
The internet... ?
Hehe, is that a question or a statement?
Does the internet count? cos it seems like a pretty obvious answer lol.
Yeah, it counts but what about other gay people, family, or yourself even?
Well the internet brings you closer to other gay people. People need to have support, and the internet can give everyone support... so that's my answer :)
That's fine. There is no right or wrong answer lol.
And also, the internet helps one to become a stronger person.
How?
By giving them support and advice, and help etc. Thus making one stronger, and improving other aspects of life.
And, one can accept themself more... and then with more confidence, they will venture out in search of even more support... if ya know what i mean?
Yes, I do. And can all that be said for you then?
Yes.
Good.

Do you feel safer hiding behind anonymity?
Sure do!
Because of reasons you've given earlier on, or are there other reasons too?
I can say what i think and feel without worrying about people knowing who i am. I don't have to worry about reactions or something... i can't explain it any better lol.
That's fine. lol.

Do you want to have a family of your own?
Hmm... well i don't really think about it. It doesn't really fuss me what happens. I'm not against it or anything, just, whatever happens, happens, and it's cool.
Ok, but let's say for a moment you did want to... would you enter into a “fake” straight relationship to achieve this, or would you consider other options like adoption and surrogacy?
I wouldn't go into a fake straight relationship. I just think that doing that willingly just to get a child, is cruel and selfish. If i wanted to, i would adopt.

When growing up, were both mum & dad on the scene?
I never met my Dad. Mum's story was that he just 'ran away' before i was born, and we never spoke about it since.
How difficult has it been for you... not having a Father while growing up?
Hmm... It's hard to tell. I don't really have much to compare it to. It just became the norm for me, ya know?
Yes
lol

Have you ever felt jealousy towards your friends who have Fathers and "do stuff" with them?
Lol. Well of course, when i was much younger.

Do you think that not having your Father, or a male role model in your life has had an influence on your sexuality?
Nope

Are any of your near relatives gay/bi?
My older cousin is.
Has he been able to help or support you in the past, if you've asked him that is?
I haven't asked, but i know he would if i did ask.
Do you get along with him ok then?
Yeah i guess, but we don't see each other much, or know each other that well.

So, drawing on your own experiences, what advice would you give to other gay/bi guys, especially the younger generation who may still be afraid to seek/ask for help?
Reach out!
Take that first step and you will NEVER look back. My first step was typing a nervous first entry into my blog, and look where that got me!
Now i'm someone who people can turn to and lean on for support... hey that's funny :)
I started this blog looking for support, and now i've become support for other people.
*feels fuzzy inside* lol
Bless :)
:)

So… based on your life to date as a gay teenager:

If you could turn back time and live a new life there may be things you’d choose to do differently, or there may be things you’d change… things that are/were beyond your control.

Would you choose to be gay, bi or straight?
I would be gay, cos being gay is what i do best. Sexuality is such a big part of my life now, if i weren't gay, i wouldn't be me... and i love boys lol... I want one!
Lol.

Would you choose to live in a different place?
Yes. I would live in a big city like Melbourne, because where i am now is full of small-minded and immature people.

Would you choose to live in a different time?
I would live in the future cos i want to see robots and lasers and crap lol.
But seriously, people would be more accepting in the future, so i wish i could live then. But i guess the 21st century is okay. It could be worse.

What would you choose to change about your parents?
O God... Mum's not perfect but she does her best. I won't say anything else.

If you don’t have any siblings would you choose to have some?
Yes! I grew up lonely, and always wished i had a brother or sister to play with.

What would you choose to change about your looks (from the neck up)?
Lol. Lots. Probably due to my image issues... self-confidence etc. I could write you a list :)
Go on then!
Ugh... nose, lips, eyelids, eyebrows, hair, skin, chin and jaw, teeth, ears too!
I thought I was bad lol.
:)
So what do you think is wrong with those?
Nose too big, lips too dry, eyebrows too thick, skin not clear enough, hair too weird and doesn't sit right, eyelids are a little wrinkly or something, my chin is too big, and teeth aren't that good either.
Good?
Fab lol, thanks!

What would you change about the rest of your body?
Lol now you've got me started... pretty much everything, again! You want more detail, again?
Oh yes!
Ugh... hips are too wide, feet are like triangles but with huge arches, hands are too small and a bit boney, and everything else just looks weird or out of proportion... im a wreck lol.

What personality traits would you choose to lose?
Shyness and my physical issues, and maybe a couple of my OCD things lol.
Anything else?
Lol. Dont think so... i like my brain lol, and im glad i have the English skills i do.

What personality traits would you choose to have?
Confidence and some sort of sporting ability lol.

With the exception of things beyond our power to influence or control, our lives are shaped by the choices we make. Do you agree with this statement?
Yes i think so... i see people who are sad and lonely and i just think; i'm sure there's a way out!
Everybody has the potential to be happy... EVERYBODY... but they need to stop sabotaging their own freakin lives and make an effort.

Do you think that choices and decisions are the same thing?
Aren't they?
Lol. I say yes, others disagree!
Well if you type 'synonyms for choice' into Google, im sure decision would come up lol... in fact i will!
Lol.
Heheh. Synonyms: alternative, appraisal, choosing, cull, cup of tea*, decision... found it, i was right lol.

Finally, if it had been possible to make all the choices and changes in the answers above... what do you think your life would be like at this moment in time?
I can assume i would be happy. I think i had fair answers, considering i kept my personality which is what matters most. Other things would only help me to be happier.
And confidence would play a big part in that?
Yes.

Thanks & Funnies...

Hi guys,

Sorry I was gone so long but it was due to things beyond my control. Thanks to torchy! and Seth for informing you of my extended absence... it was very kind of them!

Thanks also to everybody who read the interviews while I was away, but especially to those of you that left comments. As you can imagine, I have loads of reading still to catch up on so please forgive me if I don't reply to your comments just this once.

Talking of thanks... thanks and hello to my three new followers; Deadwing, Kiwi and (I think) Sethy. I really do not like this Google Friends thing, it's well crappy and I can't even view people's profiles. But anyway, they're all great guys and they have great blogs too, so please check them out for yourselves. Just click on their name or go to the side-bar.

Patrick's blog; "This blog is my life... my life on this blog" was deleted by Blogger after his debut vlog post but he has re-opened here, so please go visit him.

The final "interview" in the series will be posted on Wednesday. I hope you enjoy reading it as much I did conducting it on MSN with ??

Also, I just want to say that my thoughts are with all of you who are going through a tough time at the moment... and there are quite a number of you. I won't name any names, but I sincerely wish the very best for you all!!

Some funny images:



I hope all had, or are having, a great weekend!!


Take care of yourselves, and each other!

Until next time,

Col

An Interview With... Kyle - Kyle's Hot Spot!

Kyle is the author of Kyle's Hot Spot! and he's a wonderful young man. He has a wicked sense of humour and he seems to be a very caring and sensitive guy too, somebody whom you would be proud to call "friend."

EDIT: Since this interview, way back in January, Kyle seems to have fallen off the map. Torchy! has already put out a call to his readers to see if anybody has heard from him, but Bob (cvn70) was the only guy who was able to offer any information at all. Even that was not very recent, so, I'm asking again... If anybody has any information about Kyle, please let us know. If it's only to say that he's ok, or (God forbid) he's not... then that at least is better than knowing nothing.

Kyle: If you're reading this... there are a lot of worried people out here. Please, please contact one of us!!!

If you haven't checked out his Blog yet, please click on the link above... after you've read this post of course ;)

Please note that this was an email questionnaire, therefore it was impractical to go into extra detail. Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll find it's content interesting.


Introduction...

Name: Kyle
Age: 15
Occupation/Student: Student
Country and State/County: USA, Virginia
Gay/Bisexual/Confused: Gay (and confused sometimes hehe)

Hobbies/Interests/Pastimes:
Music, men, books, men, games, men, cats, men. Oh and men.

Likes/Dislikes:
I dislike mean people, people who judge other people. I like all kinds of music, mostly rock. I like PanicAtTheDisco the most. I like Brad Pitt (who doesnt lol).

Loves/Hates:
I dont hate anybody but i do hate what people do sometimes. I love my parents even tho i don't like my mom sometimes. I love my friend Tasha probly more than anybody. Oh and I love animals especially cats.

Dreams/Aspirations/Goals:
I want to be a veterinarian and I also want to meet a hot guy and get married and live happily ever after lol.

The questions…

Why have you agreed to participate in these interviews?
Because i love talking about myself haha.

What are your thoughts/beliefs about being gay is predetermined or a conscious choice?
I don't know if its predetermined or not but i do know that its for sure NOT a choice.

When did you realise that you were gay/bi?
Age 11, but I think in some ways i always knew it, or at least that i was different in some way.

Realising it and accepting it are very different. What are your thoughts/feelings on that distinction, and have you accepted it?
I've accepted it, and im not in any kind of "oh I hate myself" thing, but it took me a while to get there, for a long time I thot I was just going thru a "phase" hehe.

Who are you “out” to?
Im out only to one of my friends. I do plan to be out to everybody as soon as i dont have to worry about getting kicked out and im on my own.

How difficult was it for you to "come out"?
With Tasha it was pretty easy because I'm pretty sure she already knew it.

Did you "come out” by choice, or were you “outed” by somebody else?
By choice.

What reactions did you receive?
Tasha just laughed and said she knew it because she knew I was a uke (google uke if you don't know it lol) For real, she is great about it. She thinks it makes me *interesting* lol.

Overall, would you say it was a positive or negative experience, and are you now glad it‘s happened?
Positive, and yes, I'm glad I told her.

What fears/worries do you have about living as a gay/bi guy?
None really, at least not after i move away from this place and live in a real city. I think people in cities are much more accepting.

How have you faced and/or overcome prejudice toward you (from anybody) for being gay/bi? Not personally no, but you do hear all kinds of anti-gay things from people when they don't know they are talking about YOU. Well and there's Frank who keeps calling me fairy boy, but i dont care about him.

What resources and other means of support have been available to you whilst growing-up?
Just Tasha, she is great and also theres some great sites on the internet about being gay that made me know it was ok. One of them is PFLAG.

What difference has the use of, or lack of, resources and support made to your life?
If it wasnt for the internet Id probly still think i was the only gay guy in the world lol.

Have you ever searched for help or do you just “grin and bear” everything and hope you’ll be okay?
Mostly I just sort of stumble into the help i need when i need it.

If you have searched for help, what support have you received to help you deal with feelings, questions, issues, prejudice, violence etc. from friends (incl. On-line), relatives, teachers, co-workers etc?
Online friends have been great, and Tasha has been great too.

Do you feel there are enough organisations (like drop-in centres that you could visit) in your locality to help the GLBT community?
There are NO places like that anywhere near where I live.

Would you use them if there was, or would you be too embarrassed, ashamed or paranoid (in case somebody you knew saw you enter one) to visit them anyway?
I'm not sure how i could go there without outing myself.

How do you think the Internet has helped gay/bi people since it really became mainstream in the 90’s?
Well Ive pretty much always had the internet, and this sounds strange but i found gay porn before i found anything else about being gay, and this sounds even stranger but the porn was so great not only because its horny hehe, but because it showed me that the stuff i was thinking about really did happen and that i wasn't the only one. It would have been a lot harder without the internet.

Try to imagine what it was like to be gay/bi (say 30+ years, and more, ago) and have no resources or support structure at all. Even if you lived in a major city, access to any resources were few and far between. Being gay/bi was taboo and to admit to being it was generally an invitation to ridicule and abuse, you literally took your life in your hands if you were open about your sexuality. I fear it was worse in the USA.

How do you think you would have coped with growing up in those times?
I can't even imagine it. Id probly stay in the closet forever.

What do you think your life would be like now?
Lonely.

What do you think is the best resource, and why?
I dont think anything is better than a real live friend you can talk too.

Do you feel safer hiding behind anonymity?
Yes, for now.

When growing up, were both mum & dad on the scene? Who do you think had the bigger influence on you - your mum or your dad? Are any of your near relatives gay/bi?
About my parents, they got divorced about well almost 4 yrs ago now and my dad has moved away. I only see him maybe a couple times a year. I guess my mom has had the biggest influence on me and not really in a good way, she's a alcoholic and thats mostly why i dont drink. My dad is a good man, i wish i was living with him instead of my mom. I love my mom don't get me wrong, but i wish she would at least try to quit drinking.
About if my parents had anything to do with my being gay--I have no idea at all. It doesn't seem like it but who knows?

Do you want to have a family of your own?
Yes.

Would you enter into a “fake” straight relationship to achieve this, or would you consider other options like adoption and surrogacy?
No I would never do that, my husband and i will adopt a baby.

Drawing on your own experiences, what advice would you give to other gay/bi guys, especially the younger generation who may still be afraid to seek/ask for help?
I'd just tell anybody who doesn't know that they are not alone, and that they are not sick or evil or weird they are just gay the way God made them to be! And you got to deal with anti-gay people in reality, but what they THINK does NOT MATTER. You are a good person, gay or not, if YOU CHOOSE to be a good person.

Is there anything else you’d like to add?
Yes, when do we get the sex questions??? Hehe yeah Im kind of pervy sometimes. Um, sorry.

Based on your life to date as a gay teenager, and If you could turn back time and live a new life, there may be things you’d choose to do differently. There may be things you’d change… things that are/were beyond your control. The following questions are purely fantasy, but it will be interesting to compare these answers to those of the previous "reality" questions.

Would you choose to be gay, bi or straight?
Gay, because I believe that is how God made me to be, and really I can't even imagine being straight, I wouldn't be me. Also what would I do about all the hawt men if I was not gay???? hehe

What other choices would you make, for example about "coming out", or if you're (and I'm not labelling, just using common descriptions etc) "camp"... choosing to be "straight acting" and vice-versa? (List as many as you want to)
I guess i would choose to do the coming out thing the way i am now, a little at a time. About being straight acting, well I guess im not totally straight acting because some ppl have already figured out Im gay, but I don't know what it is Im doing that gives it away because I don't think Im "acting" at all, its just who i am.

Would you choose to live in a different place?
YES!! I see these youtube vids of guys my age in cities like New York or places like that and they are totally out and they even kiss each other in public and nobody thinks its a big deal. I live in a place where if I did that Id probly get shot, so yeah, that's a BIG YES.

Would you choose to live in a different time?
Sometimes i wish i lived in ancient Greece lol. But for real, no. I would want to live in this time.

What would you choose to change about your parents?
1--I wish my mom was sober 2--I wish they didn't get divorced 3--I wish they were more accepting about gay people.

If you don’t have any siblings would you choose to have some?
Maybe a sister would be ok, never really thot about it much.

What would you choose to change about your looks (from the neck up)?
I wish my lips were bigger lol.

What would you change about the rest of your body?
I wish i was more muscular and less skinny.

What personality traits would you choose to lose?
Well you wouldn't know it from things i say on the internet, but in real life im pretty shy and i dont make friends very easily, so i wish i wasn't so shy.


What personality traits would you choose to have?
Courage, which maybe i do have but Ive never had that tested very much.

With the exception of things beyond our power to influence or control, our lives are shaped by the choices we make. Do you agree with this statement?
Yes, I believe that we have free will.

Do you think that choices and decisions are the same thing?
Hmmm im not sure i understand this question. I think they ARE the same thing, but I DONT think "preferences" are the same thing as "choices" or "decisions" if thats where you are coming from here. A "preference" like being gay (or liking chocolate for that matter) is not something you can control, a choice or decision IS something you can control.

Finally, if it had been possible to make all the choices and changes in questions above, please state what you think your life would be like at this moment in time:
Probably not a whole lot different except Id have bigger lips and more muscles and be less shy lol. I guess Im actually pretty ok with how my life is as it is, even if things arent perfect. Oh, well yeah, if my mom was sober that would make a huge difference, so I guess Ill still wish for that one.

An Interview With... Mr HCI - Castoffs

Mr. HCI (Horribly-Charred Infant) is the author of the Castoffs blog. He's very much into music and used to play in a band called Happy Flowers. I'm afraid I don't know much more about him (apart from what he has shared with us below), except he's about 4 months younger than me. So, I guess you'd better get over to his blog (click on the link above) and find out for yourself :)

Please note that this was an email questionnaire, therefore it was impractical to go into extra detail. Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll find it's content interesting.


Introduction...

Name: Mr. HCI
Age: 45
Occupation/Student: programmer/analyst
Country and State/County: USA, Georgia
Gay/Bisexual/Confused: 100% gay

Hobbies/Interests/Pastimes:
Music, record shopping, movies, blogging, reading.

Likes/Dislikes:
Broccoli/Beets.

Loves/Hates:
My husband/People who think I don't deserve the same rights they enjoy due to my sexual orientation.

Dreams/Aspirations/Goals:
To legally marry my husband, to see more of the world.


The questions…

Why have you agreed to participate in these interviews?
The more people of all stripes understand about us, the better.

What are your thoughts/beliefs about being gay is predetermined or a conscious choice?
If it's not 100% predetermined, then it's 99%. Regardless of predetermination, it's definitely not a choice. I've been told by some folks that it's just not a conscious choice. Well, it's not a choice, then, is it!!!!!

When did you realise that you were gay?
At age 11, when I discovered masturbation and immediately had sexual fantasies involving only other boys. I was a bit curious about girls but don't recall having a single sexual fantasy about them when I was younger. In fact, I can recall precisely one masturbation fantasy that involved a female in my entire life. When I had a girlfriend for six months when I was 17, I had no interest whatsoever in having sex with her.

Realising it and accepting it are very different. What are your thoughts/feelings on that distinction, and have you accepted it?
My realization was at age 11, though I had my first boy crush the summer I turned nine. Acceptance didn't come 'til I was 28. I first came out as bisexual, when I was just shy of 26, but I was lying to myself. I didn't come out to even a second person until over a year later. And I didn't finally accept that I am in no way bisexual 'til I was 29.

At age 11, it didn't occur to me that I might be gay. I just knew that boy bodies were much more interesting than girl bodies and that "boy" was a very erotic word (odd thought for an 11-year-old, huh?). It was the early/mid 1970s, though, and gay was just not a realistic option, so I did what I could to try to convince myself I was straight.

Who are you “out” to ?
Everyone.

How difficult was it for you to "come out"?
Very.

Did you "come out” by choice, or were you “outed” by somebody else?
By choice but not without pressure . . . pressure meaning it was my "first time" with someone and it was a girl. I couldn't finish the deed and I eventually admitted I was attracted to guys. We did have a relationship for just shy of a year but she dumped me, luckily; it would not have worked in the long run.

What reactions did you receive?
All accepting, thankfully.

Overall, would you say it was a positive or negative experience, and are you now glad it‘s happened?
100% positive.

What fears/worries do you have about living as a gay guy?
My biggest fear is assault. My second biggest fear is losing what progress we've made in this country. If Sarah Palin had her way, for instance, it would be illegal for my husband to get health insurance through my employer.

How have you faced and/or overcome prejudice toward you (from anybody) for being gay?
I do my best to not take any crap.

What resources and other means of support were available to you whilst growing-up?
None.

What difference has the use of, or lack of, resources and support made to your life?
Had there been resources and support when I was younger, I probably would've come out much earlier than 28.

Have you ever searched for help or do you just “grin and bear” everything and hope you’ll be okay?
I just did what I could to suppress everything. In addition, I read everything I could find and just about everything I read indicated same-sex attraction was a normal phase for boys and it would go away. So I waited. The only thing I read that didn't tell me it was just a phase was The Joy of Gay Sex, which was first published when I was 13. I became very skilled at slipping away and flipping through it at bookstores every chance I got.

If you have searched for help, what support have you received to help you deal with feelings, questions, issues, prejudice, violence etc. from friends (incl. On-line), relatives, teachers, co-workers etc?
I saw a therapist for a few months when I was 27. That was a big help as she was the second person I told I was not straight.

Do you feel there are enough organisations (like drop-in centres that you could visit) in your locality to help the GLBT community?
I'm not sure as I've not utilized any here. On the other hand, there's a local organization for LGBTQQ youth and my husband and I became adult volunteers there around three months ago.

Would you use them if there was, or would you be too embarrassed, ashamed or paranoid (in case somebody you knew saw you enter one) to visit them anyway?
When I was younger, I would've been too embarrassed. There was a Gay Student Union at my college but I was terrified of it. I was curious but no one could know!

How do you think the Internet has helped gay/bi people since it really became mainstream in the 90’s?
Immensely! I think the 'net is the best thing to have ever been invented for gay/bi kids. Sure, there are dangers (predators luring kids into dangerous situations) but the fact that kids all over the world are finding that there are other kids like themselves, and the global support network that they're building out of this is just absolutely incredible.

If you had grown-up in the age of the Internet, other resources that are taken for granted today, and the difference in society‘s attitudes, how much different do you think your life would be now?
I think my life would be very different, indeed. I almost certainly would not have waited 'til I turned 28 to come out. I probably also would not have dated the two girls I did, or had sex with the second. On the other hand, if my youth had been different, I wouldn't be with my husband today and I wouldn't give him up for anything.

What do you think is the best resource, and why?
The Internet for the reason already stated.

Do you feel safer hiding behind anonymity?
I'm not all that anonymous 'cause the pseudonym I use has been linked to my real name for years. It'd not be all that difficult to find out who I am and where I live. I'm not too worried, but I'm also neither a teenager nor in the closet, so I don't have that need for anonymity that many folks do.

When growing up, were both mum & dad on the scene? Who do you think had the bigger influence on you - your mum or your dad? Are any of your near relatives gay/bi?
My parents are just shy of celebrating their 47th anniversary, so yes, they were both on the scene. They both have influenced me though my mom probably a bit more. As for relatives, I don't even know of any distant relatives that aren't straight.

Do you want to have a family of your own?
Yes, but we're too old to adopt an infant and we don't have the financial wherewithal to properly raise a child, either. I get very depressed about it sometimes.

Would you enter into a “fake” straight relationship to achieve this, or would you consider other options like adoption and surrogacy?
I wouldn't fake anything. Adoption would be a definite option if we were younger and better off financially. I have a friend who I'd consider for surrogacy but I couldn't ask that of her.

Drawing on your own experiences, what advice would you give to other gay guys, especially the younger generation who may still be afraid to seek/ask for help?
Learn to accept yourself! Don't hate yourself for being gay. Don't fight it like I did. Living in fear sucks. On the other hand, think carefully about your actions when you decide to come out. If you think your parents will not be accepting, make sure you are able to live without their aid, should they disown you. It breaks my heart that that still happens.

Is there anything else you’d like to add?
Not that I can think of but it's 3 o'clock in the morning.

So, based on your life to date as a gay man...

If you could turn back time and live a new life, there may be things you’d choose to do differently. There may be things you’d change… things that are/were beyond your control. The following questions are purely fantasy, but it will be interesting to compare these answers to those of the previous "reality" questions.

Would you choose to be gay, bi or straight?
Life would be easier if I were straight . . .
Life would be more complicated if I were bisexual . . .
I'd choose to be gay because I really can't imagine being any other way. In addition, gay sex is way more intense and emotionally powerful than straight sex.

What other choices would you make, for example about "coming out", or if you're (and I'm not labelling, just using common descriptions etc) "camp"... choosing to be "straight acting" and vice-versa? (List as many as you want to)
I did my best to never put on a false face in the coming out process, though I did go through a phase of dressing pretty damn gay. Nowadays, it's primarily jeans or shorts and band shirts.

Would you choose to live in a different place?
No. I love being in a diverse neighborhood with both straight and gay neighbors and I love being just outside a major city with a large gay population.

Would you choose to live in a different time?
I used to wish when I was younger that I lived in ancient Greece when it was OK to have sex with other boys but, from what I understand, it wasn't so acceptable for adults and anal was right out, so no thanks! I also used to wish I lived in Morocco a few decades ago when boys were allegedly encouraged to have sex with each other in order to have an outlet prior to marriage. Again, I don't think same-sex relationships were acceptable amongst adults.

What would you choose to change about your parents?
I wish they were in better health.

What would you choose to change about your looks (from the neck up)?
I wish I had green eyes but mine are hazel and that's close-ish.

What would you change about the rest of your body?
I need to lose weight and get back in shape. I want to fit in my old clothes again!

What personality traits would you choose to lose?
My remarkable ability to procrastinate. My shyness.

What personality traits would you choose to have?
Not sure.

With the exception of things beyond our power to influence or control, our lives are shaped by the choices we make. Do you agree with this statement?
Most definitely! Life hands us a set of circumstances and it's up to us to choose what to do with them. For us gay folk, we can either choose to accept ourselves as we were born and live and love openly or we can shun our true nature and do what we can to hurt those who do not. It really saddens me when I hear about yet another homophobic preacher, politician, what have you caught with a dick in his mouth.

Do you think that choices and decisions are the same thing?
Not exactly, though I can't really spell out how they're different other than you can decide to make a choice. Then again, you can choose to make a decision too. My head hurts.

Finally, if it had been possible to make all the choices and changes in questions above, please state what you think your life would be like at this moment in time:
It's hard to say. Had I come out when I was a teenager, I might be dead as I was 17 as the AIDS crisis began. On the other hand, I would not have been promiscuous no matter what age I came out, so AIDS wouldn't necessarily have been a big risk for me. The biggest difference would probably be that my husband and I might have had kids had we met sooner.

An Interview With... Peter - Formerly of Peter's Blog.

Peter is a fine young man who until recently, was is the author of Peter's Blog (formerly known as Gay Boy From PA). He is a keen James Bond fan and an aficionado on the American Civil War. Peter also enjoys reading and learning about The Titanic... more specifically about the actual ship rather than the human aspect. He plans to create a number of blogs devoted to The Titanic, The American Civil War and WWII in the near future and I'm sure they will make for some fascinating reading. You can view Peter's profile current blog here.

Please note that this was an email questionnaire, therefore it was impractical to go into extra detail. Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll find it's content interesting.

Introduction...

Name: Peter
Age: 17
Occupation/Student: Student
Country and State/County: Pennsylvania, USA
Gay/Bisexual/Confused: Gay

Hobbies/Interests/Pastimes:
Masturbation lol.

Likes/Dislikes:
Likes: Ships, James Bond.
Dislikes: Certain people….one of them writes this blog… lol just kidding.

Loves/Hates:
Loves: The Titanic.
Hates: Attention seekers. At least ones who over seek.

Dreams/Aspirations/Goals:
To become a Naval Architect…..maybe.


The questions…

Why have you agreed to participate in these interviews?
I was forced!!!! Lol no, I wanted to cos... well I have no idea why lol.

What are your thoughts/beliefs about being gay is predetermined or a conscious choice?
Who would choose to be part of a minority so you can get picked on and all that?

When did you realise that you were gay?
I knew that I was different very young, but I didn’t officially start labeling myself as gay until I was about 15 years old maybe.

Realising it and accepting it are very different. What are your thoughts/feelings on that distinction, and have you accepted it?
I have accepted it. I know that it is something that I can’t change so there is no reason not to accept it.

Who are you “out” to ?
Other gay people on here and one of my friends in real life.

How difficult was it for you to "come out"?
It took a while to get up the courage, but after it was all said and done with I felt better.

Did you "come out” by choice, or were you “outed” by somebody else?
By choice.

What reactions did you receive?
A neutral one.

Overall, would you say it was a positive or negative experience, and are you now glad it‘s happened?
Even though it was only to one person, that made me feel so much better inside. I’d have to say it was a positive one.

What fears/worries do you have about living as a gay guy?
Hmmm, this one’s a tuffy. I don’t know really.

How have you faced and/or overcome prejudice toward you (from anybody) for being gay?
No…not yet.

What resources and other means of support were available to you whilst growing-up?
Internet.

What difference has the use of, or lack of, resources and support made to your life?
Definitely helped me in a lot of ways. I can’t imagine living without the internet.

Have you ever searched for help or do you just “grin and bear” everything and hope you’ll be okay?
Both, but I’m sure I have stuck it out without help more than I have asked or searched for it.

If you have searched for help, what support have you received to help you deal with feelings, questions, issues, prejudice, violence etc. from friends (incl. On-line), relatives, teachers, co-workers etc?
Only the best kind from my cyber pals ^_^. Even if I don’t always follow it.

Do you feel there are enough organisations (like drop-in centres that you could visit) in your locality to help the GLBT community?
I don’t know. I don’t use them so I really don’t even know what GLBT stands for, but I don’t think there are any around here.

Would you use them if there was, or would you be too embarrassed, ashamed or paranoid (in case somebody you knew saw you enter one) to visit them anyway?
I would be way too shy, probably for all those reasons.

How do you think the Internet has helped gay/bi people since it really became mainstream in the 90’s?
(Try to imagine what it was like to be gay/bi (say 30+ years, and more, ago) and have no resources or support structure at all. Even if you lived in a major city, access to any resources were few and far between. Being gay/bi was taboo and to admit to being it was generally an invitation to ridicule and abuse, you literally took your life in your hands if you were open about your sexuality. I fear it was worse in the USA.)
It has been a great help to me, so I’m sure others have taken advantage of it. If they haven’t, then they really need to.

How do you think you would have coped with growing up in those times?
Probably not as well as I am today.

What do you think your life would be like now?
I would probably not be out to anyone, so therefore I would be a lot lonelier.

What do you think is the best resource, and why?
Blogging, because you meet so many people here who are like you, and others who want to help.

Do you feel safer hiding behind anonymity?
I don’t have a real concern for my safety here, but I probably would if I was somewhere else.

When growing up, were both mum & dad on the scene? Who do you think had the bigger influence on you - your mum or your dad? Are any of your near relatives gay/bi?
Mom was definitely the biggest influence in my life. No gay/bi relatives that I know of.

Do you want to have a family of your own?
Not really, just someone to be with.

Would you enter into a “fake” straight relationship to achieve this, or would you consider other options like adoption and surrogacy?
No kids for me. But I would not enter into a straight relationship just to be with someone.

Drawing on your own experiences, what advice would you give to other gay guys, especially the younger generation who may still be afraid to seek/ask for help?
Start your own blog!! It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have made a bunch of friends that I can actually talk to here.

Is there anything else you’d like to add?
You can’t change it so don’t worry about it so much. If you have an interest in guys then you are probably gay or at least bi. Don’t try to change that.


Based on your life to date as a gay teenager...

If you could turn back time and live a new life, there may be things you’d choose to do differently. There may be things you’d change… things that are/were beyond your control. The following questions are purely fantasy, but it will be interesting to compare these answers to those of the previous "reality" questions.

Would you choose to be gay, bi or straight?
Straight because they have an easier live it seems than gays.

What other choices would you make, for example about "coming out", or if you're (and I'm not labelling, just using common descriptions etc) "camp"... choosing to be "straight acting" and vice-versa? (List as many as you want to)
Ummm….not sure.

Would you choose to live in a different place?
No, not really. I like my little town.

Would you choose to live in a different time?
No way!!! This is the best time in history to live….maybe that’s because I didn’t live in any other time period… o_O

What would you choose to change about your parents?
Their marital status. I would have preferred to have parents who aren’t divorced.

If you don’t have any siblings would you choose to have some?
I have 4 brothers and that’s way more than enough!!!

What would you choose to change about your looks (from the neck up)?
I would definitely not want to have the facial paralysis.

What would you change about the rest of your body?
Lol. I don’t know.

What personality traits would you choose to lose?
Ah, defiantly procrastination and laziness... shouldn’t I be doing school work right now? lol.

What personality traits would you choose to have?
Ummm… I don’t know.

With the exception of things beyond our power to influence or control, our lives are shaped by the choices we make. Do you agree with this statement?
Yes and no. I think the little things are influenced by us, but not the big things. I just made that up lol.

Do you think that choices and decisions are the same thing?
Lol, that is such a philosophical question (and the last one wasn’t?). I have no answer.

Finally, if it had been possible to make all the choices and changes in questions above, please state what you think your life would be like at this moment in time:
A little better than it is now.