Posted From A&E

I bought one of those eco-friendly solid deodorants yesterday, and after showering this morning I did what it said... "Remove top and push up bottom"

Well I was only following the instructions ffs!! I still can't figure out why I had to remove my top though, but... Oh crap! Gotta go... my name's just been called out by a big fat momma with hands like fucking spades... she's not going near my arse with those hands!!

HELP!!!!! I WANT MY MUMMY!!!



Okay, so a friend sent me that in a text message... just thought I'd share it with you. Lol.
Do you really think I'd do something like that??? Actually, that reminds me of the time when... ;)


Later,
Col

A little bit o' this and a little bit o' that...

Hi Guys,

Thanks for your responses to my interview request. So far I have five gay guys and only one bisexual guy. They are from the UK (one of whom now lives in New Zealand), the US and Australia. I'm still looking for people in the following age ranges: Twenties, Thirties, Fifties and Sixty+ if anybody else feels brave enough to volunteer. Of course, you can still volunteer if you're not in the above age ranges because your thoughts, feelings and experiences are undoubtedly different to anybody else anyway.

So, in other news... I had my volunteering induction on Monday afternoon and I actually started "properly" today. I was well excited lol (pretty sad eh?), it was nice just to dress up again and have a reason to leave the confines of these four walls.

It took so long to receive my references that Christmas was upon us by then and I had to wait until the new year to get started.

Still no luck with finding a real job at the moment, but I'm always hopeful and I'm staying positive about it.

Now, I'm not what you might call a spontaneous person (unless I've had a few drinks or I'm on holiday lol), and I generally don't make rash decisions, but last year I was watching TV one evening and I suddenly just thought to myself "fuck it!, I'm sick of this shit" and I chose there and then to make a huge change in my life. A choice that will leave me with absolutely nothing at all if my plans turn to shit. The first part of my plan has already been implemented and I'll post some more about it soon.

I haven't posted any random facts for ages, so here's a few unhealthy ones...

I developed Asthma when I was 8 years old.

I stopped suffering with Asthma when I was 13 years old.

I've smoked since I was 12 years old.

I had a severe allergic reaction (never found out what to) when I was 13 and my entire body (yes, even there) was covered in tiny scabs (mmm... scabs). The worst thing was that my mum insisted on me dropping my underwear to all and sundry so her friends and the neighbours could see it. Hellooooo... the scabs on my face, arms, stomach etc. were the same as the ones on my cock and balls. Was there really any need for me to show my genitalia?? NO!
It was so fucking embarrassing, I'm just glad I didn't fancy any of the guys that took a look... that may have been even more embarrassing (wink wink) lol!

That's it really, apart from having some really bad panic/anxiety attacks which I thought were heart attacks because they were so intense and frightening. (This one's more like a fucking story than a fact... feel free to skip it lol!)
Seriously, I could be watching TV, reading or in bed and it would just happen. My heart rate would go crazy, I couldn't breathe, one of my arms would go numb etc.

Now, I'm am so not a drama queen but the first few times it happened I kept thinking "omg, I'm gonna die and nobody 'll know. I'll just rot here!"

It really bought home to me how lonely I am and how empty my life is without someone to share it with.

I eventually went to see a doctor who sent me for a zillion different tests. I was covered by BUPA at the time through my work so I thought "oooh, let's go private... may as well take advantage of it lol", but they took so long because they kept re-scheduling my appointments that I chose to go with the NHS instead. I have to say that they were fantastic, and so quick too.

So, on top of all that stress the results of my chest x-ray showed a shadow on my lung. I was remarkably calm about it, because basically I've always believed that I'm going to die from cancer before I reach sixty anyway... it runs in the family!

Anyway, I had a second x-ray and the shadow had moved. After seeking a second opinion on both x-rays, the specialist concluded that the shadow was actually a piece of fat that was travelling through my diaphragm or something. Wtf? Never heard of that one before. Lol.

Since leaving my job I've not had one attack *crosses fingers and touches wood* (oops! maybe I should re-phrase that).


Take care y'all,

Col
p.s. Do you prefer my new or old profile picture?

Help Wanted: Apply Within!

Hi guys,

I've been really busy lately and haven't had much time for posting. By the time I've finished doing stuff and then catching up (and commenting) on the ever-increasing number of blogs that I follow, I just can't be bothered to post anything myself! Plus, your blogs are a lot more interesting and entertaining anyway lol.

I really should use the 'draft' option more and just add a little at a time when I can, but... hey ho!

So anyway, I know I have to post the Sex Buddy Chronicles and there are some others in the 'Coming Soon' section of the side-bar that I would like to post, but, should I continue with the 'Poor White Trash', 'Spare the rod...' and 'Sibling Rivalry' posts? Have you heard enough on those?

Speaking of coming soon (If I Could Turn Back Time & Choices); my idea is to "interview" on MSN, or it could be done via email too, a number of fellow bloggers about their lives to date as gay or bi-sexual boys/men.

Ideally, I would like at least one volunteer (yeah, like that's going to happen lol) from each age range (teens to sixty+) so I/we can see the differences between the generations with regard to peoples attitudes towards us, the support that was available to us, how we openly or secretly lived our lives etc.

Questions may include, and these are only possible examples, things about:

Do you believe being gay/bi is predetermined or that we have a choice?
Facing and/or overcoming prejudice from family/friends etc.
Your fears/worries about living as a gay/bi guy.
Do you want a family of your own? How/Why?
What support you've received, and where from (if anything was even available).
Your coming out experience, why you haven't come out, why you can't or won't come out.
Your advice to others in the same situation.

Etc, etc.
There will be quite a lot about the choices we make (although I doubt some will see them as choices, but more like reasons).

I would also like to find out, purely as a fantasy thing and nothing to do with an after-life etc;
If you really could turn back time and choose your life, what choices would you make?

Would you be gay/bi/straight?
Would you change your looks, your body, your parents, your siblings, your career, and of course... why would you choose to change those things?

I haven't actually made a list of 'real' questions yet because I don't want to waste my time if nobody is interested, so... If you are interested in being an interviewee, please send me an email. You will not be committed to the project just by showing an interest, but at least I'll know whether the project will be worth pursuing. I will not share your names either, until your interview is published of course. Oh, and don't worry, I will not be asking you anything sexual, or about what you look like, or anything pervy at all lol.

Once the questions have been put together (and If any readers have "proper and decent" questions they would like to see included, just email me), you would have at least two weeks to ponder your thoughts/answers etc. before the interview.

I really hope to hear from bloggers included in both my blog lists, but any gay/bi bloggers are welcome. C'mon, what have you got to lose? You may even help others in the process!

I look forward to a high volume of emails in the next couple of days... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!


Take care everyone,

Col

"Sex Buddy" Poll Results & My Thanks To...

Hi Guys,

So, here are the results first:

"Age Range" Poll received 75 votes.

Teens - 32 - (42%)
Twenties - 15 - (20%)
Thirties - 8 - (10%)
Forties - 11 - (14%)
Fifties - 4 - (5%)
Sixty+ - 5 - (6%)


"Sex Buddy" Poll received 48 votes.

Stop them - 1 - (2%)
Continue with graphic details - 26 - (54%)
Continue without graphic details - 1 - (2%)
Continue in my own sweet way - 20 - (41%)

There's a huge difference between the total votes received on each of the polls, and I think maybe it's because most of the "Teen" votes are not regular readers, but people just checking out the blog from links on other blogs. I also think, from looking at my "came from" stats that the main blog from which these people came was the wonderful Kyles Hot Spot!

It looks like the "Sex With My Buddies" posts are going to continue with graphic details, but not that graphic lol, so I'll publish the next one very soon.


Now before I go I want to thank a couple of great guys, who are also fellow bloggers:

Thanks to KyleT from the afore mentioned Kyles Hot Spot! blog for all the traffic his site has generated for me. He's a really sweet, funny and down to earth guy who talks about his life and love for Yaoi, because it always tells a story and it's not just about drawings/cartoons of sex!
If you haven't already visited him... please do so now!

Thanks also to Jake Anonymous from My Life On A Wall blog for helping me solve my publishing problem. He talked me through some options today and one of them seemed to work. I hope it wasn't just a fluke, but I'll find out soon enough lol.
I've been following his blog for some time and I love it. He's really witty and sarcastic (and I love sarcasm), and half of the time I don't know if he's being serious or joking.
Anyway, if you don't already visit his blog... why not? Please have a look now!

Finally, I'd like to say "Hello" to torchy! His blog is relatively new, very funny and very well written. Get reading now before you have too much to catch up on lol.

Oh, and one last thing. Let's all show our support for Seth, it sounds like he's going through a really bad time just now. I know a number of fellow bloggers are too, but I'm sure Seth has been there for you in the past.

Well that's all from me tonight (thank f**k I here you scream), so until next time...

...Take care,

Col

testing, testing... 123

Nothing to read here, just a test.

Technically speaking... HELP!!

EDIT: Ok, so this post has taken four hours to appear on "Blog Lists"... not bad compared to some. Lol.

It's still pissing me off though!!


Hi guys,

Can anybody help me solve a problem I'm having with the blog?

Although my posts appear on my blog immediately upon publishing, they do not appear on other bloggers "Blog Lists" for anything up to ten hours.

I've noticed other bloggers have reported the problem on Blogger Help, but as yet nobody has replied to them, go figure!

So, if anybody has any suggestions I'd appreciate it greatly.


Thanks guys!

Take care,
Col

Did You Know...

...that we "gays" sexually abuse ourselves?

Not only that, but we are self-hating and self-destructive too! This is according to fellow blogger 'The Chaeronean'.

Here is an excerpt from his recent post:

I read a post by "Col" from Essex about being sexually abused.
In many ways all homosexual men are in a similar position to him, hiding from themselves and their sexuality because they cannot face up to what has happened to them.

And who has sexually abused them?

Answer: They have sexually abused themselves.

Apparently, this guy knows more about how I feel than I do... simply amazing!!

I'm neither hiding from myself, or my sexuality. Also, I faced up to what happened to me a long, long time ago. I published the experience, along with some advice, in the hope of helping somebody else, anybody else, that may have undergone a similar experience of "self-abuse"... as he calls it!

As for self-hating, self-loathing and self-destructive, well...It's just a load of BOLLOCKS!


Please read the post here and let me know what you think of the conclusion he has reached.


Take care,

Col