A little bit o' this and a little bit o' that...

Hi Guys,

Thanks for your responses to my interview request. So far I have five gay guys and only one bisexual guy. They are from the UK (one of whom now lives in New Zealand), the US and Australia. I'm still looking for people in the following age ranges: Twenties, Thirties, Fifties and Sixty+ if anybody else feels brave enough to volunteer. Of course, you can still volunteer if you're not in the above age ranges because your thoughts, feelings and experiences are undoubtedly different to anybody else anyway.

So, in other news... I had my volunteering induction on Monday afternoon and I actually started "properly" today. I was well excited lol (pretty sad eh?), it was nice just to dress up again and have a reason to leave the confines of these four walls.

It took so long to receive my references that Christmas was upon us by then and I had to wait until the new year to get started.

Still no luck with finding a real job at the moment, but I'm always hopeful and I'm staying positive about it.

Now, I'm not what you might call a spontaneous person (unless I've had a few drinks or I'm on holiday lol), and I generally don't make rash decisions, but last year I was watching TV one evening and I suddenly just thought to myself "fuck it!, I'm sick of this shit" and I chose there and then to make a huge change in my life. A choice that will leave me with absolutely nothing at all if my plans turn to shit. The first part of my plan has already been implemented and I'll post some more about it soon.

I haven't posted any random facts for ages, so here's a few unhealthy ones...

I developed Asthma when I was 8 years old.

I stopped suffering with Asthma when I was 13 years old.

I've smoked since I was 12 years old.

I had a severe allergic reaction (never found out what to) when I was 13 and my entire body (yes, even there) was covered in tiny scabs (mmm... scabs). The worst thing was that my mum insisted on me dropping my underwear to all and sundry so her friends and the neighbours could see it. Hellooooo... the scabs on my face, arms, stomach etc. were the same as the ones on my cock and balls. Was there really any need for me to show my genitalia?? NO!
It was so fucking embarrassing, I'm just glad I didn't fancy any of the guys that took a look... that may have been even more embarrassing (wink wink) lol!

That's it really, apart from having some really bad panic/anxiety attacks which I thought were heart attacks because they were so intense and frightening. (This one's more like a fucking story than a fact... feel free to skip it lol!)
Seriously, I could be watching TV, reading or in bed and it would just happen. My heart rate would go crazy, I couldn't breathe, one of my arms would go numb etc.

Now, I'm am so not a drama queen but the first few times it happened I kept thinking "omg, I'm gonna die and nobody 'll know. I'll just rot here!"

It really bought home to me how lonely I am and how empty my life is without someone to share it with.

I eventually went to see a doctor who sent me for a zillion different tests. I was covered by BUPA at the time through my work so I thought "oooh, let's go private... may as well take advantage of it lol", but they took so long because they kept re-scheduling my appointments that I chose to go with the NHS instead. I have to say that they were fantastic, and so quick too.

So, on top of all that stress the results of my chest x-ray showed a shadow on my lung. I was remarkably calm about it, because basically I've always believed that I'm going to die from cancer before I reach sixty anyway... it runs in the family!

Anyway, I had a second x-ray and the shadow had moved. After seeking a second opinion on both x-rays, the specialist concluded that the shadow was actually a piece of fat that was travelling through my diaphragm or something. Wtf? Never heard of that one before. Lol.

Since leaving my job I've not had one attack *crosses fingers and touches wood* (oops! maybe I should re-phrase that).


Take care y'all,

Col
p.s. Do you prefer my new or old profile picture?

Volunteering.

Hi guys,

After my rant on Wednesday (for which I apologise, I was just feeling really down at the time), I had a comment from Aron which basically said: Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get off your arse and go volunteer. Do something useful instead of moping around all day.

Musicbuff agreed with him...thanks guys!!!

So, on Monday I had already began searching on the internet for local GBLT organisations that I could volunteer with, but to no avail. There was nothing in my area and because of my limited budget I couldn't afford to travel. I was pissed off to say the least, and I think it actually contributed to my foul mood for the next couple of days.

After reading my comments on Wednesday however, I got up on Thursday and thought "Fuck this shit!! I'm not giving up. I want to, and need to, do this!!"
I was in a much better mood than the previous day because I was really looking forward to sorting this out.
So I phoned one of the organisations (non GBLT) in my area and told them I wanted to volunteer. The guy said he'd see what was available. Whilst he was looking at his monitor(?) he asked my age. I told him and then he said "Oh right, we'll we can cross that one off then, and that one, and that one too!! Sorry I don't have anything." Then there was silence. I couldn't believe it, apparently they're crying out for volunteers but they don't have anything, or anything for somebody my age at least!
I didn't let it go and asked if he could give me the names and numbers of any other local organisations. This he did.

I checked out the organisations and decided to contact one that covered the entire district, not just my area.
I spoke to a lady and gave her the same info; age, wanted voluntary work with the GBLT community if possible etc. and we arranged for an informal interview next Tuesday.

I was so happy, it was amazing how much my mood had changed/lifted simply because I felt I would soon have a purpose during my search for work.

I received another comment from Aron early that evening, and it read:

"So, did you grasp the nettle today?" (I had to laugh, how cheeky is that??)

I hope my reply surprised him, he was probably thinking I'd been moping around all day...again.

Anyway, I went to bed still feeling happy that night, even though I still didn't sleep any better...Lol.
I got up today in a geat mood too, I was going to be helping Dick with some DIY. Nothing great about that I know, but it meant I was doing SOMETHING, and we had a good laugh doing it anyway!

Then, around 3.30pm I felt really deflated. The volunteer lady phoned me to say she had to cancel our appointment and she hadn't been able to find anything in the area either.
So, not wanting to give up I said that as long as it wasn't too far, because of the expense, I would be willing to travel further afield. She went on to explain that as a volunteer any travel expenses are paid anyway...Woot Woot!! It was on again!!
She knows of a GBLT drop-in cafe in a large coastal town, not too far away, that may have something. So she is going to contact the person who runs it and get back to me early next week.
I'm not going to hold my breath that there'll be something available there, and I've also told her that I will do something regardless of the outcome. I've got many years of retail management experience so I don't mind putting hours in at a charity shop. I don't give a shit what it is to be honest.

So, I'm back in a happy mood.
I will be volunteering in some way or other.
Whether directly or indirectly, I will be helping others.
It's a good way of meeting new people and networking...might find a job...Lol.
When I do find a full-time job I will still do voluntary work, even if it means a different kind.

I'm so excited...I just can't fucking wait!!!!

*Fingers crossed*

Col

p.s. Thanks Aron & Musicbuff!!! I needed that push...Lol.


A few random bits:
Between the ages of six and thirteen I grew up with two people from the following famous (well, famous in the UK...LOl) bands - Depeche Mode, Yazoo, Erasure, The Assembly.

I nearly always have to have my feet outside of the duvet, even in the depths of winter. They get so hot it feels like they're going to explode...what a freak!

I've never sprained/broken any bones.

Apart from having my tonsils removed when I was four or five, I've never had any other surgery.

I wish I could play the piano.

You're a Hero! ... Random Facts ... Humour.

Thanks for your opinions on my last post guys, I will be replying soon.

I'm posting the "You're a Hero!" part to say "If you're reading this Mirrorboy...this is for you!"

To everybody that's going through a hard time at the moment...BELIEVE IT!!

Now for some random facts:

I love singing - when I'm feeling really down I just stand in my kitchen with the radio or a cd blaring out, and sing at the top of my voice...fuck the neighbours!

I love peanuts but hate peanut butter.

My favourite drink is Tea...a true Brit...lol. I probably drink far too much for an insomniac.

I once placed a large plastic spider on my old gran's shoulder. When she turned her head a minute or so later she nearly hit the ceiling. Man, did I get beats for that...lol. But, she gave my dad a bollocking for beating me so it was worth it...Go Gran, Go Gran!!!

Some more reasons why you shouldn't take kids to the zoo:

Some cute animal pics...the second one worries me a little:

That's all for now.

Col

Poor White Trash! (Part 1)

Thanks to everybody who took the time to read my first post, and a special thanks to those who commented. I was amazed to receive any comments at all…lol.

My blog name was taken from Aaron Hill's Works, circa 1750, and it simply means:
To tackle a difficult problem boldly.

So yeah, we were a poor family. My dad was out of work a lot more than he was in it and that didn’t make for a happy childhood. It wasn’t just being poor either, from around the age of four I never felt loved, or even liked, by my dad. He was Irish and had a real temper, and he only seemed to care and have time for my brother…you’ll here more about them in future posts.

Anyway, I remember when I was very young (when there was only three children) and dad was working, I couldn’t wait for him to come home from work.
He would pick us up and spin us around, hug and kiss us, throw us up and down, let us sit on his motor bike and just enjoy having his kids around him…he had his temper though and we never knew how long his good mood would last.

We moved to a larger house when I was seven because a year earlier my mum had her fourth child, that’s when things started to get bad. To make matters worse my mum had another child the following year. So now there were five kids to feed, clothe etc and dad wasn’t working.

Maybe I should explain that my dad was a catholic, so he didn’t believe in contraception, he was fourteen years older than my mum and they were both raised to believe that a woman’s place is most definitely in the home…and a wife should never refuse her husband his conjugal rights.

We never went hungry but it was a daily struggle for them to make ends meet, I know they made sacrifices but when you’re a kid you just can’t see it.

So, all our clothes were either hand-me-downs from friends and relatives, or from jumble sales.
It’s bad enough going to school with your friend when you’re wearing the clothes he has grown out of, but my mum used to buy some really ugly stuff at the jumble sales…the ugliest thing was this pair of PURPLE trousers, but that’s not the worst of it, it was the material…CRUSHED VELVET!!!!

Aaaargh!!! Purple crushed fucking velvet…I mean, helloooo!! What were you thinking mum?…lol.

Well, as you can probably imagine, I was mortified at the thought of actually having to wear these to school. Let’s face it: young kids don’t really think before they speak.
But, no matter how much I pleaded or cried (seriously, you would’ve thought I was being murdered with the amount of screaming I was doing…lol), I had to wear them.
I really can’t remember if anybody took the piss at school (but you would though, wouldn’t you!), I think I’ve just blocked out the trauma of it all…lol.

Sorry, this is going on too long, I might have to start splitting posts into part 1, part 2 etc.
I know what I want to say, I just keep going off on tangents though. To me it’s all related, but it probably reads like a mish-mash of verbal diarrhoea to you.

I’ll post part 2 tomorrow.

Yes, I’m also stealing the “Random facts about me” thing, sorry :) and I’m going to add some (hopefully) humorous stuff at the end of each post too.

So, some random stuff:

I hate spiders and moths.

I hate puppets, especially clowns and large birds…they’ve always scared the crap out of me lol.

My first real sexual contact with another male was when I was aged 12.

My last was aged around 35 (yeah, it’s easy to figure out how long I’ve not “had any” for lol).

Finally, some interesting facts (with some humour thrown in for good measure).
I hope it makes you chuckle!

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Don't try this at home, maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

('Honey, I'm home. What the..?!')

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm..)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(okay, so that would be a good thing.)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)