Help Wanted: Apply Within!

Hi guys,

I've been really busy lately and haven't had much time for posting. By the time I've finished doing stuff and then catching up (and commenting) on the ever-increasing number of blogs that I follow, I just can't be bothered to post anything myself! Plus, your blogs are a lot more interesting and entertaining anyway lol.

I really should use the 'draft' option more and just add a little at a time when I can, but... hey ho!

So anyway, I know I have to post the Sex Buddy Chronicles and there are some others in the 'Coming Soon' section of the side-bar that I would like to post, but, should I continue with the 'Poor White Trash', 'Spare the rod...' and 'Sibling Rivalry' posts? Have you heard enough on those?

Speaking of coming soon (If I Could Turn Back Time & Choices); my idea is to "interview" on MSN, or it could be done via email too, a number of fellow bloggers about their lives to date as gay or bi-sexual boys/men.

Ideally, I would like at least one volunteer (yeah, like that's going to happen lol) from each age range (teens to sixty+) so I/we can see the differences between the generations with regard to peoples attitudes towards us, the support that was available to us, how we openly or secretly lived our lives etc.

Questions may include, and these are only possible examples, things about:

Do you believe being gay/bi is predetermined or that we have a choice?
Facing and/or overcoming prejudice from family/friends etc.
Your fears/worries about living as a gay/bi guy.
Do you want a family of your own? How/Why?
What support you've received, and where from (if anything was even available).
Your coming out experience, why you haven't come out, why you can't or won't come out.
Your advice to others in the same situation.

Etc, etc.
There will be quite a lot about the choices we make (although I doubt some will see them as choices, but more like reasons).

I would also like to find out, purely as a fantasy thing and nothing to do with an after-life etc;
If you really could turn back time and choose your life, what choices would you make?

Would you be gay/bi/straight?
Would you change your looks, your body, your parents, your siblings, your career, and of course... why would you choose to change those things?

I haven't actually made a list of 'real' questions yet because I don't want to waste my time if nobody is interested, so... If you are interested in being an interviewee, please send me an email. You will not be committed to the project just by showing an interest, but at least I'll know whether the project will be worth pursuing. I will not share your names either, until your interview is published of course. Oh, and don't worry, I will not be asking you anything sexual, or about what you look like, or anything pervy at all lol.

Once the questions have been put together (and If any readers have "proper and decent" questions they would like to see included, just email me), you would have at least two weeks to ponder your thoughts/answers etc. before the interview.

I really hope to hear from bloggers included in both my blog lists, but any gay/bi bloggers are welcome. C'mon, what have you got to lose? You may even help others in the process!

I look forward to a high volume of emails in the next couple of days... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!


Take care everyone,

Col

Did You Know...

...that we "gays" sexually abuse ourselves?

Not only that, but we are self-hating and self-destructive too! This is according to fellow blogger 'The Chaeronean'.

Here is an excerpt from his recent post:

I read a post by "Col" from Essex about being sexually abused.
In many ways all homosexual men are in a similar position to him, hiding from themselves and their sexuality because they cannot face up to what has happened to them.

And who has sexually abused them?

Answer: They have sexually abused themselves.

Apparently, this guy knows more about how I feel than I do... simply amazing!!

I'm neither hiding from myself, or my sexuality. Also, I faced up to what happened to me a long, long time ago. I published the experience, along with some advice, in the hope of helping somebody else, anybody else, that may have undergone a similar experience of "self-abuse"... as he calls it!

As for self-hating, self-loathing and self-destructive, well...It's just a load of BOLLOCKS!


Please read the post here and let me know what you think of the conclusion he has reached.


Take care,

Col

Edit - Poll about "Sex With My Buddies" posts

Hi guys,

Sorry if you already voted (x2 Twenties, x1 Stop them, x2 Cont. with details), but I added another option...please either re-vote if you wish to remain anonymous, or comment that you had already voted (leave details).

Many thanks,
Col

This is my first poll and it's not what I envisaged my first one would be about, but it is (to me at least) necessary if I'm to/not to continue with the "Sex With My Buddies" posts.

Of course I want to attract new readers, who doesn't, but I don't want to do that at the expense of losing my regular readers.

One of the readers commented that my post was too explicit for them so they did not finish reading it. I thank him for his honesty, and, for telling me so too. I respect everybody's opinion so I read the post again, and I thought...actually, did I really need to go into so much detail? Surely, just saying that we sucked each other off in some bushes would have been adequate!
It would've been a shorter post, that's for sure lol.

Then I thought...well maybe it wasn't too graphic really, because I was trying to put across my first sexual experience with another person. We were twelve years old and experimenting with sex for the first time in our lives. I was trying to show our inexperience in the things I wrote, but it was a truthful account of what happened and what I was thinking...as I remember it, nothing more. Peter and I fumbled our way through that evening, and a few more too until we'd gained some knowledge of each others likes and dislikes, desires etc.

So, as I don't know whether to carry on with these posts or not, I've decided to leave it up to my readers to decide the outcome, by way of a poll...see sidebar (2 Polls).

Do I stop?
Do I continue...with graphic descriptions?
Do I continue...without graphic descriptions?
Do I continue...in my own sweet way?

I'd also like to know the age of voters too, so please vote on both polls. Of course you can always vote and comment.

Thanks to all those who left comments on the last post, and as always I have left my comment to each of you.


Lines are now open so please...

get VOTING and COMMENTING now!

I hope you've had a great weekend...and finished all your shopping lol.

Take care,
Col

A Moral Dillema - Opinions please!

Hi guys,

I need your help with something.
As you may know I am a shy person and I lack self-confidence. I've never had a boyfriend so I've no real grasp or understanding of what it means to be in a loving relationship, I can only imagine...lol.
I can't just start chatting somebody up and if somebody starts chatting to me I have no idea of what kind of things to say, so it feels really awkward and uncomfortable for both of us.

Since I came out I have had a number of people who have shown an interest in me, whether it's just for a shag or something more. Some of them I've liked alot, others not so much, but I wouldn't and couldn't sleep with somebody I've only just met...that's just NOT me!
I'm not a prude and I do not have a problem with other people doing it, but all I hear from gay friends is stuff like "You can't be gay!" or "But it's all part of the gay lifestyle!"

Sex for me is not unimportant, but it's not as important to me as friendship, love, affection and trust in a relationship. I'm very much a giver in most every aspect of my life and that includes sex. I get pleasure from giving pleasure and however corny it sounds...it's true.

However, if I'm ever going to have a long term relationship I must first gain at least some experience of sex, intimacy, sharing etc. I know I should enter into, given the chance and providing I like the guy, any relationship that presents itself. This can only help me with my confidence problem etc; no matter how short term that relationship is.

Now, I'm going to relate to you something that happened around 6 months ago when Marmite was visiting me:

We were in my local gay nightclub one night when a really cute blonde guy just came over to us and said to me "I love your shirt" and smiled at me.
So I just said "Oh, thanks, and I love your smile." (I know it was well cheesy, but it just sort of blurted out. He did have a beautiful smile though...lol.)
Anyway, we talked about the usual shite...I've seen you up here before, how long have you been coming here?, what we do for a living etc. and kind of run out of conversation.
He went back to his friends and Marmite and I carried on with the rest of our evening.

Just before we left I decided to take a pee because we'd probably have to wait ages for a cab.
As I washing my hands somebody came in to the cloakroom, I looked in the mirror and it was the cute guy, he was just leaning with his back against the wall and looking back at me in the mirror.
I asked him if he'd had a good night and if he had to get up for work tomorrow (I told you I was useless at this...lol.), and he just said "Yes, so are you gonna kiss me or what?"
Well it would've been rude not to, so I did. To be honest I just wanted to rip his clothes off and...

Anyway, whilst we were kissing Marmite came looking for me so we broke off. He asked for my mobile number, which I gave him, and he said he'd text me.
I didn't take my phone out with me because Marmite had his and we only needed to phone a cab.
It took us an hour and a half to get home (shitty cab service), but we could have walked it in twenty minutes...lol.
When I got home I switched on my phone and I'd had four texts from the guy already, I was well happy. I replied and told him I'd text him tomorrow about meeting up and then went to bed feeling like I was on top of the world.

I told Marmite the next morning and he was well happy for me and made me promise I'd see the guy.
This had been a MASSIVE ego boost for me. I hadn't felt this good in a long, long time.

Well, Marmite went home that afternoon and I did text the guy, but what I said was something like: "Thanks for last night, you're a really sweet, good looking guy and I really like you, but I think you're too young and I'm not comfortable with it."
He was only 22 years old, that's half my age!!
He replied saying that there shouldn't be an issue with our ages, we're both consenting adults etc.
But as usual, in the cold light of day, I let my morals get the better of me.

So, opinions please:

Should I lower my moral standards so I can gain the experience I need?

What do think about the age gap? Anybody young reading this may well be thinking "ffs, that's disgusting" or something like that. In that case, please give me two opinions: your gut reaction, and then try to think about how you might feel when you reach my age, and give an opinion on that.

I'd like as many opinions as possible please guys, so don't be shy.

I can take it on the chin, all I ask is that you keep your opinions respectful.


The next post will contain some humour as promised in my first post!!!

Get those opinions in!!

Thanks,
Col